Fat old creepy guy interrupting three Asian girls: So how old is this guy?
Asian girl #1 (looking awkwardly at friends): 18.
Asian girl #2: Yeah. (laughs) She likes them young.
Fat old creepy guy: Oooh! (pause) You can train him! Get a collar and a leash and a big stick like the ones my kids use to whack their pigs!
Sacramento, California
Receptionist on phone: I recognized her voice before she even said anything.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Intern #1: I love that street, there's all those great restaurants there.
Intern #2: I know! And there's that tranny park at the end of the block.
Intern #1: What?
Intern #2: I can't repeat what I just said.
Manhattan, New York
Liberal cube dweller #1: I have so much to celebrate next week. My sister's birthday and the anniversary of Roe v. Wade.
Liberal cube dweller #2: You celebrate that?
Liberal cube dweller #1: Yes, I absolutely do.
Liberal cube dweller #2: What kind of cake do you get?
Liberal cube dweller #1: A fetus cake.
Liberal cube dweller #2: I have seen the fetus cookies, but I have never seen a fetus cake.
Liberal cube dweller #1: I'm kidding. Not about celebrating Roe v. Wade, but about having a fetus cake.
Liberal cube dweller #2: I'd eat a fetus cake.
Albany, New York
Overheard by: We are NOT Reception
Office girl: Ha-ha! Mine's bigger than yours! I win!
Male boss: You wish it was bigger. Nothing can beat this.
Dalton, Georgia
VP: You are just naming random alphabetic letters.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Lady: You know, birds squawk when they aren't getting any.
Man: Yeah, I know what you mean.
(ten minutes later)
Man: (squawking around office)
Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: let there be DAVE
Designer to owner: He wants me to design a sign for him that reads, “Caesar Inn, Crack-whores welcome by the hour.”
Owner: What? (walks away)
Miami, Florida
Very country legal assistant to hearing office rep: Well… That Irene Davis and I have been commuting.
Hearing office rep: What?
Very country legal assistant: Commuting… Ya know, talking.
Law Firm
Lower Alabama
Overheard by: How embarassing for the rest of us
