Professor: Whoever taught you to write like this should be flogged with your severed writing arm.
Houston, Texas
Female receptionist #1: Yeah, now he's all disfigured.
Female receptionist #2: A chipped tooth? They can fix that easy.
Female receptionist #1: Yeah, but we're trying to get a prescription for medical marijuana. Or at least a handicapped parking decal.
Jersey City
Overheard by: It's painful just listening
Coworker #1: (mumbles)
Coworker #2: Hah?
Coworker #1: Hah? Oh, I am just talking to myself.
Coworker #2: Oh. As long as you are not answering yourself.
Coworker #1: I do! I don't want to be rude!
Manhattan, New York
Company trainer, hearing temp just dropped her phone in a flushing toilet: Let's take a break… Let's go outside and discuss this.
Rock Island, Illinois
Overheard by: Ian
Associate director: So I found myself on the floor, bleeding, and all I could think was, “Really? I just cut myself with spaghetti?”
Commonwealth Ave
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: cube rat
Coworker #1: So you can swallow it all right? You don't have to keep spitting out every sample, do you?
Coworker #2: No… You can swallow.
Lorton, Virginia
Loan officer: Things are uncertain in America. They want to cash out on their equity because things are turmoilous.
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Customer care rep on phone: Okay, sir, we'll talk occasionally. (pause) Well, yes. (pause) Okay, sir, I have to go. (pause) I believe in Jesus! I believe in Jesus! (pause) Sir, my other line is ringing. I have to go.
Milpitas, California
Overheard by: Alisha
Coworker #1: I love Angie's box.
Coworker #2: No way, Kat's box is tons better. It would kill Angie's box in a fight.
Coworker #1: But Angie's box is filled with those special Oreo balls!
Pensacola, Florida
Overheard by: New Girl
Quiet female coworker: I hope my placenta's huge!
Downtown Albany, New York
Overheard by: Oddly enough, I don't
