Office drone #1: I see you've got a machete.
Office drone #2, wistfully: Who doesn't, in this workaday world?
Williamsburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Stunned into silence
Office drone #1: I see you've got a machete.
Office drone #2, wistfully: Who doesn't, in this workaday world?
Williamsburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Stunned into silence
Smart girl: Okay, that guy was nice but really kind of creepy.
Girl: Yeah, but he seemed harmless enough.
Smart girl: Sure, but so did Ted Bundy.
Girl: Oh I love that guy!
Smart girl: Wait… what?
Girl: He's the one on Married with Children, right?
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: glad my gf is the smart one
Dad: Honey, where’s your teddy bear?
3-year-old girl: Oh, the terrorist are hiding him.
Overlake Hospital
Bellevue, Washington
Overheard by: Nurse says what
IT guy: What do you mean you’ve never shot a gun? You never made your friends dance by shooting at their feet?
915 Broadway
New York, New York
Assistant: Are you going to be in next week?
VP: Yes, unless al-Qaeda does something.
1120 20th Street NW
Washington, DC
Boss: You never know which way a frog is going to jump until you punch him.
Spokane, Washington
Overheard by: Nate
Woman #1: Hey! Look at you! I didn’t know you were back from maternity leave.
Woman #2: Yeah, I just came back yesterday.
Woman #1: I saw the pictures you emailed. She’s adorable. I remember you were worried about labor. How’d it go?
Woman #2: Not too bad, actually. Kind of what I expected. Although I punched my husband and threatened divorce during the worst of it.
Woman #1: Are you serious? What did he do?
Woman #2: Right when my contractions were about two minutes apart, he got nervous and attempted to distract me. So he kept making that ooohbah, ooohbah noise that those robot things made in Revenge of the Sith.
Woman #1: Omigod! I know what you’re talking about. What a jerk! That’s so funny, though.
Woman #2: Yeah, I know. We laugh about it now. But at the time I punched him in the stomach and called him a bastard. I told him if he opened his mouth again even to cough, we were getting a divorce. Poor guy wouldn’t even talk to the nurses after that.
777 Eisenhower Parkway
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Coworker #1: Are you bringing something tomorrow?
Coworker #2: Yeah, but I’m not sure what. Everyone is so hard to please.
Coworker #1: I know. I want to make that pasta dish I told you about, but it has a lot of vegetables. I have to find out who likes what, and what they don’t like. It’d be easier to kill everyone instead.
12300 Olive Boulevard
St. Louis, Missouri
Coworker #1, wielding a letter opener: C’mon, it isn’t that sharp.
Coworker #2: Still, in a fist-fight I’d pick it over bare fists.
Coworker #1, making a stabbing motion: Yeah!
3550 North University Avenue
Provo, Utah
Overheard by: Ambiguous Antecedent
Female boss to two employees: Okay, we really need to get you both on health insurance because (pointing at slutty employee) you're gonna get knocked up and (pointing at other) you're gonna squash your melon somehow.
Aspen, Colorado
Overheard by: wah wah wahhhh
