Conductor, over loudspeaker: Ladies and gentlemen, we've found the glitch in this temporary schedule, some genius has us leaving at 8:22, so we'll now sit here a full 10 minutes! Sorry for the delay. (several minutes later) Ladies and gentlemen, once again, we're waiting for time to catch up to us, we've got 4 minutes left until we've left the station.
Manhattan, New York
Division manager, addressing 200-member division: As part of the new policy, employees will not be allowed to carry over vacation days to next year.
District manager: Could I use days I have left in the first week of January?
Voice from speakerphone: That's next year, asshole!
(stunned silence)
Morristown, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jack Satan
Patient: I’m going to see The Lion King tonight.
Nurse #1: Can you imagine doing shows like that every night, traveling all the time?
Nurse #2: Most of them are gay anyhow, so it’s no big deal.
Red Cross van
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Taxman
Anthropology student: Hey, I got the turds for the ass game!
Locust Lane
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: don’t want to know
Woman on cell: Well, when I get to my office, I’ll turn on my computer and run through what you did, to see what may be wrong with your computer. [pause] No, Mom, I can’t get onto your computer from my computer.
3301 Fairfax Drive
Arlington, Virginia
Woman to man remaining on elevator: Not getting off?
Man: Yeah, I thought it was going up. It was going down.
Woman: Ah, well, a little detour’s okay.
Man: Yeah… I have a lot of work to do, though.
Woman: Well, but you know, sometimes it’s important to stop and smell… the lobby.
60 State Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Woman: It’s about time to not come to work for a couple of days.
770 N. Water Street
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Paul
Worker: When he used to work here, I literally left work one day and spent ten minutes trying to figure out where I could park my car so I could shoot him when he left and not get caught.
Main Street
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: frightened newbie
Hotel Manager: Can we help you, ma’am?
Guest: My husband just got on the elevator without me, I can’t believe that little shit/
Hotel Manager: Well, if we track him down we can send him your way.
Guest: If I can’t keep track of him after 30 years you won’t either.
9 East Wilson Street
Madison, Wisconsin
Girl #1: They missed their deliverables again. Can you believe that shit?
Girl #2: No, I can’t believe it. I am so frustrated for you. What is the excuse? “Our neanderthal foreheads make it difficult to see the screen?”
275 Battery Street
San Francisco, California
