Co-worker: That’s a great idea, get a robot to sell drugs so you don’t have to. That way, when the cops bust your robot, you don’t get in trouble, just your robot. Just think, there’s so many criminal activities you could automate, like robotic prostitutes. Until now I had thought our future was dark and grim, but how I’m seeing a bright light at the end of the tunnel.
115 Perimeter Center Place NE
Atlanta, Georgia
Office lady, peering into the copier: Ew, how many white ones did I produce? Oh, good. Not that many.
1819 NW Everett Street
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Schmoozer
Admin: One of our districts is having trouble modifying a document from our website.
Graphic Designer: It can’t be modified. It’s a PDF.
Admin: Right. So I was wondering if you would turn off the PDF so they can make their changes.
Graphic Designer: …Um, no.
2100 I-70 Drive SW
Columbia, Missouri
Guy introducing guest speaker at conference: Just a reminder: if you have a vibrator or cell phone, please turn it off now.
Richmond, Indiana
Co-worker #1: “…And so, if you’re still working on the website, I just discovered a serious error using a Mac.”…Who cares?
Co-worker #2: Seriously, you should write back and say, “Dude, why are you even using a Mac?”
111 West Rio Salado Parkway
Tempe, Arizona
Manager: I need that paper back.
New girl: But I already faxed it.
Manager: Yeah, okay, but I need it back.
New girl: But you don't understand, I faxed it already. It's gone. I can probably go get it on my way home after work?
Harahan, Louisiana
Coworker #1 on speakerphone: How do I Google something?
Coworker #2: Go to W-W-W dot Google dot com. Then just use it like any other search engine.
Coworker #1: What’s a search engine?
Coworker #2: You know, like when you use Yahoo or MSN to look something up.
Coworker #1: I’ve never Googled before in my life, and I never want to again!
150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut
Overheard by: it actually got worse
Head maintenance guy: I tend to break stuff before I fix it. Then I fix it.
Malvern, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Wish I had that kind of job security…
Branch manager: I’m sending you an e-mail.
Cube rat #1: Thanks…
Cube rat #2: You’re one of those people, huh?
Branch manager: Ha, no, but he’ll like this.
Cube rat #2: Is it a funny one about a cat?
Branch manager: No!
Cube rat #2: Drat.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
CSR: OK, sir, go ahead and click on the logo in the top left of your screen.
Customer, on phone: I don’t see that. I’m on a page that says "Welcome," then "My Profile."
CSR: OK, go ahead and click on "My Profile."
Customer: I don’t see that.
9800 Fredericksburg Road
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: Raydran
