Smart Employees

Manager: We’re all sharks. Remember, guys.
Employee: Huh? Sharks?
Manager: Yeah, we’re all like sharks. Sharks have to keep moving their whole life or they’ll die. They never stop moving. So keep moving, guys! We’re sharks!
Employee: So basically what you’re saying is that if we stop moving, you’ll kill us all?

208 Chain Lake Drive
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia

Asian coworker: What are you doing?
Caucasian coworker: Assembling the trade booth so we all know how to do it.
Asian coworker: Trade booth?
Caucasian coworker: For conventions, we set this up so people know who we are.
Asian coworker: What are you trading? Can I trade?
Caucasian coworker: Nevermind! Go back to your desk!

Rochelle Park, New Jersey

Cashier: You have $3.99 in late fees for No Country for Old Men. Would you like to pay that today?
Customer: I didn’t rent that.
Cashier: You handed it to me when you walked in, sir.

Hollywood Video
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Jen

Coworker to another holding book: Go to the vagina page!

Christmas party
Richfield, Minnesota

Coworker, after scavenging through lunch meeting leftovers: My sandwich didn’t look very fulfilling so I added some corned beef.
Fellow scavenger: Wait -there was corned beef in there?
Coworker: No, I keep some in my office for emergencies.

Cleveland, Ohio

Overheard by: Nook

Paralegal #1: It’s funny when I enter a label for what type of event the attorney is doing, one of them says “Meditation”. Who would meditate in the conference room?
Paralegal #2: Are you sure it doesn’t say “Mediation”?
Paralegal #1: Oh yeah, I guess that would make more sense in a law firm, huh?

7700 Old Georgetown Road
Bethesda, Maryland

Cashier: Alright, so that’s going to be $47.68.
Customer: What? The book was $31.99!
Cashier: Ummm, actually, it was $44.99…
Customer: It says $31.99!
Cashier: I’m afraid you were looking at the American price, ma’am…
Customer: So?!
Cashier: We’re in Canada.
Customer, indignant: Well, I want to speak to a manager!
Cashier: Unfortunately, I don’t think he’ll be able to change global economy, but let me page him…

Ontario
Canadia

Worker bee #1: They used to line us up in the middle of the school, make us drop our pants, and paddle us.
Worker bee #2: You can’t do that these days because too many people would like it.

Richmond, Virginia

Overheard by: usual suspect

Employee #1: Why is it so cold in here?
Employee #2: Maybe it’s the gigantic hole in the ceiling.

4770 Buford Highway
Atlanta, Georgia

Boss: Alright everyone, I’m leaving for the day. Everyone knows my cell phone number, right?
Peon: 1-800-sex?

Northern Iowan
Cedar Falls, Iowa