Smart Employees

People Go to Radio Shack for That?

Sales girl: Can I help you find anything today?
Middle-aged woman: Yeah, um…
Teenage daughter: What headphones here work with my iPod?
Sales girl: Any of these in this section. Is there a particular kind you are looking for?
Middle-aged woman: Um, are you sure? Could you ask someone and make sure?
Sales girl: Um…
Teenage daughter: Mom, she said these ones.
Sales girl: Let me know if you have any questions…
(five minutes later)
Middle-aged woman to new sales guy: Hi, I was wondering if these headphones will work with an mp3 player?
New sales guy: Um… Uh… Hang on. Julie*, do these…
Sales girl, with her back turned: Yeah, yeah, they do.
New sales guy, laughing: That was quick.
Sales girl: No psychic powers. She already asked me. I guess she just wanted a second opinion with a penis.
Teenage daughter: Good job, mom.

Bloomington, Indiana

Overheard by: You've Got Questions; We've Got Blank Stares

A True Champion Has E. Coli Poisoning

Sporty employee: I have a swim meet and I'm not ready for it.
Wiseguy employee: Why don't you swim home?
Sporty employee: I would never swim in this water.
Wiseguy employee: That's not the talk of a champion!

Manhattan, New York

The Two Types of Employees: Encapsulated

Dumb employee: See, the thing about putting oil and vinegar into a squeeze bottle is that you have to make a decision… You either get oil, or you get vinegar.
Smart employee: Shake it?
Dumb employee: Well…you made a fool out of me.

Port Washington, New York

Overheard by: Chenga

Better Than Last Year’s Price Club Fiasco

Diner in expensive restaurant, arguing over the bill for his family Christmas party: This wine is a lot cheaper in the grocery store!
Manager: And what would your in-laws think of you if you had the family Christmas party in isle three of a super Wal-Mart?

Illinios Street
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

When Season 5’s Lisa Peed in an Adult Diaper, the Show Forfeited Any Outside Chance at Glamour

Female staff: Oh man, I’m so into “America’s Next Top Model.” You know that show.
Male staff: Oh yes. Good quality programming.
Female staff: They were having this marathon on VH1 this weekend, like the whole last season all at once. I got so hooked. But I missed the last two or three episodes, so I don’t know who won it.
Male staff: That’s awful. You really don’t know? That was last season.
Female staff: No, I didn’t see the last few episodes.
Male staff: You mean to tell me that you don’t know who won last season’s “America’s Next Top Model”?
Female staff: I didn’t see the last episode?
Male staff: But you don’t recognize her from all of the glamorous advertisements and runway shows she’s been doing?
Female staff: Well, no, I… Oh. You’re being sarcastic.
Male staff: For minutes now.

10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

And Is Your Shirt Tucked Into Your Boxers?

Co-worker #1: You’re wearing socks with sandals.
Co-worker #2: So?
Co-worker #1: You’re lucky I’m even talking to you.

Decatur Street
Indianapolis, Indiana

Like Every Issue of Every Women’s Magazine

Female peon: Linda*, I heard you are on a diet again!
Linda: Why? D’you have a diet?
Female peon: No, I am just clarifying. This way when I see you eat certain things, I can remind you that you are on a diet.

New York City, New York

Dude, Facts Aren’t Subject to Consensus

Employee #1, giving presentation: You can’t get HIV from urine. Urine is actually sterile.
Employee #2: Blood is sterile!
Employee #1: Ummm, I’m pretty sure it’s not.
Employee #2: No, blood is sterile.
Employee #3: How can blood be sterile? What about hepatitis?
Employee #2: Well, I mean, it’s sterile to you when it’s inside of you.
Employee #1: Okay, everybody, blood is sterile… unless it’s full of HIV.

Rancho Cordova, California

They Don’t Get Tender All by Themselves

Female go-getter: Well, I just went ahead and did it since you guys were just sitting on your loins.

3201 West Commercial Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: you really are disgusting

They’re Just Mad About the Whole ‘Canadia’ Thing

CEO: I read a study that said that 50% of Canadians disapprove of Americans.
Employee: Yeah, I guess they just don’t agree with many of the US’s recent actions.
CEO: No, it’s because they’re jealous of Americans.
Employee: Err, that’s perhaps a somewhat US-centric view…
CEO: I’ve been to Canada. I’ve seen it firsthand. They are very jealous of us.
Employee: Actually, now that you mention it, I’m surprised it was only 50%.

Frederick, Maryland

Overheard by: poj

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