Clerk: Okay, you have 12:45 and 1:45 subcommittees, AG is at 1:00, and Natural Resources is at 2: 00. I’m going to leave everything here on my desk and go do some work in the back office.
Senator: Do you even think I’m listening to you?
Clerk: No, not really.
State Capitol
Des Moines, Iowa
Pool Owner: Yes, I would like you to close my pool for the winter.
Clerk: Okay, great. Where is the pool located.
Pool Owner: In our backyard.
Clerk: Yes Ma’am I appreciate that since we have never found a permit approved for a front yard pool. Now what is the address of your pool?
Pool Owner: Was that a stupid answer?
Henninger Court
Chantilly, Virginia
Overheard by: SKippyMom
Co-worker #1: Okay guys, I’ll see you next week. I’m heading off to Tennessee to see relatives.
Co-worker #2: Well, don’t hook up with anybody.
456 North Kimball Place
Boise, Idaho
Graphics guy: What format are these files?
Boss: They’re from the guy next door.
Graphics guy: Okay, but what kind of files are these supposed to be? There’s no extensions so I can’t open them in anything unless I rename them all and just guess the extension until I get it right.
Boss: Can you open them and check?
2245 Royal Windsor Drive
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Bob
Employee #1: There’s a double standard around here.
Employee #2: What do you mean?
Employee #1: We all compete at an Olympic level while she competes in the Special Olympics and gets paid more.
3301 Gun Club Road
West Palm Beach, Florida
Sales girl: Can I help you find anything today?
Middle-aged woman: Yeah, um…
Teenage daughter: What headphones here work with my iPod?
Sales girl: Any of these in this section. Is there a particular kind you are looking for?
Middle-aged woman: Um, are you sure? Could you ask someone and make sure?
Sales girl: Um…
Teenage daughter: Mom, she said these ones.
Sales girl: Let me know if you have any questions…
(five minutes later)
Middle-aged woman to new sales guy: Hi, I was wondering if these headphones will work with an mp3 player?
New sales guy: Um… Uh… Hang on. Julie*, do these…
Sales girl, with her back turned: Yeah, yeah, they do.
New sales guy, laughing: That was quick.
Sales girl: No psychic powers. She already asked me. I guess she just wanted a second opinion with a penis.
Teenage daughter: Good job, mom.
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: You've Got Questions; We've Got Blank Stares
Sporty employee: I have a swim meet and I'm not ready for it.
Wiseguy employee: Why don't you swim home?
Sporty employee: I would never swim in this water.
Wiseguy employee: That's not the talk of a champion!
Manhattan, New York
Dumb employee: See, the thing about putting oil and vinegar into a squeeze bottle is that you have to make a decision… You either get oil, or you get vinegar.
Smart employee: Shake it?
Dumb employee: Well…you made a fool out of me.
Port Washington, New York
Overheard by: Chenga
Diner in expensive restaurant, arguing over the bill for his family Christmas party: This wine is a lot cheaper in the grocery store!
Manager: And what would your in-laws think of you if you had the family Christmas party in isle three of a super Wal-Mart?
Illinios Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Female staff: Oh man, I’m so into “America’s Next Top Model.” You know that show.
Male staff: Oh yes. Good quality programming.
Female staff: They were having this marathon on VH1 this weekend, like the whole last season all at once. I got so hooked. But I missed the last two or three episodes, so I don’t know who won it.
Male staff: That’s awful. You really don’t know? That was last season.
Female staff: No, I didn’t see the last few episodes.
Male staff: You mean to tell me that you don’t know who won last season’s “America’s Next Top Model”?
Female staff: I didn’t see the last episode?
Male staff: But you don’t recognize her from all of the glamorous advertisements and runway shows she’s been doing?
Female staff: Well, no, I… Oh. You’re being sarcastic.
Male staff: For minutes now.
10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
