Office drone who brought dog to work: Oh, there you go again! Nosing into my drawers. You know there's a treat in there for you. Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Yes, you are! You are! Go ahead, just push your nose way in there and find that treat. I just love it when you visit at the office with us!
Louisville, Kentucky
Older female colleague #1: Hey, here's the prizes you won in the raffle the other night.
Older female colleague #2: Oh, thanks. Do you want to keep the bubble bath?
Older female colleague #1, not bothering to lower her voice: Oh. No, thanks. It makes me itch down below.
Older female colleague #2: Oh. (pause) I see.
St. Peter Port
Guernsey
Overheard by: A simple
Attorney on phone: What does it smell like?
Tysons Corner, Virginia
Guy introducing guest speaker at conference: Just a reminder: if you have a vibrator or cell phone, please turn it off now.
Richmond, Indiana
Very calm guy in kitchen: And then, after that, I became a waterspout.
Toledo, Ohio
Middle-aged female boss: So I huffed a giant diaper this morning. Am I hip?
Lexington, Massachusetts
CSR: OK, sir, go ahead and click on the logo in the top left of your screen.
Customer, on phone: I don’t see that. I’m on a page that says "Welcome," then "My Profile."
CSR: OK, go ahead and click on "My Profile."
Customer: I don’t see that.
9800 Fredericksburg Road
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: Raydran
Employee #1 to boss: Oh, what the fuck?! It smells like shit up there!
Boss, laughing: You farted!
Employee #1: No, I did not!
Employee #2: Duuude! Some kid just shit on the carpet!
Boss: No! Shut the fuck up!
Employee #1: Oh, come on! Two months ago some kid pissed on the carpet, and now we got some fucker who shit on the carpet?!
Employee #1: He really shat?
Employee #2: He had diarrhea or something.
Los Angeles, California
Bank customer: As I sat down on the toilet I heard this sickening snap.
Bank teller: So you need a replacement ATM card?
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: Sara
Title clerk #1: Are those Doritos spicy?
Title clerk #2: Oh, they're only spicy when you eat them.
New Philadelphia, Ohio
Overheard by: ORLY?
