Religion

Guess Who Wrote “Average” on the Feedback Sheet

Female coworker: So, how was it?
Male coworker: Oh my god. We put the phone on mute and talked amongst ourselves. The other two people left the room, I don't know where they are.
Female coworker: Painful, right?
Male coworker: St. Patrick used that presentation to drive the snakes out of Ireland. He played it and after an hour the snakes had enough.
Female coworker: He's the worst. I have no idea how someone allows him to put his pistol in their holster.
Male coworker: I like that one. I would rather beat off with a cheese grater than listen to that again.

Manhattan, New York

My Taste Buds Are Resurrected

Excited graduate assistant: Cadbury cream eggs are like the Jesus of Easter!
Faculty passerby: Wait, what?

Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio

We Shudder to Think What Happens When Someone Brings in Devil's Food Cake

Office lady, staring at box of muffins: Evil, evil, evil.

St. Louis, Missouri

It Was More Of an Exclamation

Boss: Who's better then me?
Worker: Jesus.
Coworker: Good answer.

Huntington, Texas

Overheard by: kaleena

2000 Years Old and Still a Virgin

Holy roller #1: He has a Jesus hat on. He looks really WT today.
Holy roller #2: Praise him.
Holy roller #1: Is that his wife? I think it is.
Holy roller #2: ‘Thin-lipped, snake handling Jesus freaks,’ I can hear her shrieking already. I wonder if they speak in tongues… Durka durka blah blah burble burble…
Holy roller #1: That’s what it sounded like. Here they come…
Holy roller #2: I can feel the holy spirit oozing out of her. I’ll bet she smells like Jesus.
Holy roller #1: Totally.

757 North Broadway
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Especially When it Leaks out the Hole in my Side

Student: Ooooh, grape juice! I love drinking grape juice. It makes me feel like Jesus.

Eastern Kentucky University Dining Commons
Richmond, Kentucky

I’d Have to See Them Dance

Female potential juror: I can’t sit on a jury for religious reasons. I don’t believe in judging people.
Lawyer: This is a negligence case. You won’t be deciding if somebody is good or evil. There’s no question of morality involved.
Female potential juror: Whatever — it’s against my religious convictions to judge people.
Lawyer: You understand that we’re not asking you to send someone to Hell — you just have to decide whether or not they were clumsy.

Supreme Court
Schenectady, New York

Overheard by: Big Larry

She Sticks Pins in Me and My Doll Gets Better

Employee: You're not going to a chiropractor, are you?
Boss: No. She's a lesbian voodoo doctor. She's next to a bagel shop.

Vancouver
Canadia

Good Thing That's Second in Importance to WoW

Nerd #1: You need to stop playing that damn game. It's horrible. Look at yourself!
Nerd #2: Look. You can get on me all you want about World of Warcraft, but at least it's not Scientology!
Nerd #1 (looking nonplussed ): You mean to tell me that's your excuse for why World of Warcraft is acceptable!? Are you kidding me?
Nerd #2: Hmmmm, I suck at life.

Orange, California

So There’s Gay, Married –and Now Possibly This Third Category

Female peon #1, in reference to cute co-worker: So, what happened with that guy you gave your number to?
Female peon #2: Oh, girl, I didn’t tell you?!
Female peon #1: No, what happened?
Female peon #2: Listen to this… he never called me, right? And I really wanted to know what was up with that. So, I walked over to him the other day and said, “Hi, how’s it going?” Well, we got to talking, and he said he was sorry he never called, but that he isn’t looking for a relationship right now… because he’s trying to concentrate on his relationship with Jesus Christ!
[Female peon #1 and eavesdropping co-workers break into laughter.]Female peon #2: Can you believe that? I was rejected for Jesus!

Melbourne, Florida

Overheard by: Kitty

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