And It'll Be Good Practice for Breathing in All the Smoke That's in Hell

Peon #1, seeing ambulance and EMTs in warehouse: What's going on?
Peon #2: Michael's* having a heart attack.
Peon #1: Let's go smoke a cigarette, no one will notice!

Laporte, Indiana

Overheard by: and yes, he lost his job

Posted on March 23, 2009
Coworkers, Health & Hygiene, Indiana, Questions, Smoking

And Repeat, If Necessary

Male creepy marketing director, asking how to change copier's toner: So you just pull it out and shove it in?
Female office manager: (sigh)

Royal Oak, Michigan

Posted on March 20, 2009
Body Parts, Bosses, Creepsters, Michigan, Questions, Sexuality, Technology

Let Me Introduce You to My Staph

Employee #1: Is this your office in there?
Employee #2: It's my Petri dish.

Redmond, Washington

Overheard by: another bacterium

Posted on March 20, 2009
Coworkers, Questions, Science, Washington

…Give or Take About Six Weeks.

Business user: So you're telling me that it will take six weeks to roll out this new bit of code to the stores?
Project manager: Yes.
Business user: This is ridiculous. Why can't we just have a set of rules that tells the systems what we want to do instead of inserting all this coding crap?
Project manager: Well, yes, we could do that.
Business user: Perfect! How long will it take to do that?
Project manager: About six weeks.

Wilkesboro, North Carolina

Overheard by: Firebabe

Posted on March 20, 2009
Bosses, Customers, North Carolina, Questions, Technology, Time Management

Dolphin Porn.

CFO: What are they going to use video equipment for?
Budget services director: Making porn.

River Forest, Illinois

Posted on March 19, 2009
Bosses, Financial Folk, Illinois, Questions, Sexuality, Technology

Probably Just a Glitch in the Matrix, Bob

Engineer: Did you grab my dongle?

Ohio

Posted on March 18, 2009
Body Parts, Engineers, Ohio, Questions

Is It Apathy If You Intensely Don't Care?

Customer: I don't care! I don't care that I need to talk to him! I don't care that he's unavailable! Do you hear me? I don't care.
Customer service rep, blandly: Then why have you called us today, sir, if you're so apathetic?

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: i used to be his supervisor

Posted on March 18, 2009
Anger management, Customer Service, Customer Support, Dumb Customers, Massachusetts, On the phone, Questions

Being Cool Is Hard Work, My Friends.

Trader #1: I'm down.
Partner: I wish I were down as much as I'm down.
Trader #2: Doesn't he mean he wishes he were down as much as you are down?
Trader #1: It's okay, my dad messes up all the time too. I just translate in my head.

New York City, New York

Overheard by: dp

Posted on March 16, 2009
Feelings, Financial Folk, New York, Questions, Wishes, Words

No Wonder He's Terrified

Female admin #1: So, how's Pepe doing?
Female admin #2: He's a figment of his own imagination.

San Diego, California

Overheard by: Melissa

Posted on March 16, 2009
Admins, California, Philosophy, Questions

Oh! Well, I'm a Bit Disappointed, I Must Say.

Maintenance guy: Do you have any holes?
Worker: What?
Maintenance guy: Do you have any big holes?
Worker: What?
Maintenance guy: You know, any big holes in the wall that need to be repaired.

Evansville, Indiana

Posted on March 13, 2009
Blue Collar, Body Parts, Employees, Indiana, Questions, Sexuality

Questions