Office guy: I brought bars.
Office gal: Special K?
Office guy: No, they're not Special K because they don't have Special K in them. They have Rice Krispies. They are way better then Special K bars. Cause Special K is corn, and these are rice.
Office gal: I thought you would bring shrimp.
Office guy: Yeah, I said that.
Office gal: Yeah.
Office guy: And then I got the look of the death from Kay. So I brought these instead.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: What kind of pot luck is this?
Female paralegal: Did you read that article I sent you?
Aussie male coworker: That ain't right.
Female paralegal: Indeed. But 45 minutes! That's longer than most men last.
Aussie male coworker, in long-winded explanation: Well, 45 minutes would be a while for coitus. But remember that the seal wasn't actually getting any. 45 minutes is kinda short if you include foreplay…
Female paralegal: Tsk, tsk…give the seal some credit.
Aussie male coworker: Fine. He has moderate sexual stamina.
Senior paralegal: What?!
Chicago, Illinois
Clerk lady #1: Oh, thank you for bringing that up, you reminded me I have to go get my license renewed on my way home today.
Clerk lady #2: You can't just mail it in?
Clerk lady #1: Well I have to actually go in because I have to take an eye test because it's been ten years.
Clerk lady #3: Oh…you sure it's not because you're over 50?
Clerk lady #1: Fuck you.
Yaphank, New York
Overheard by: Junior
Crotchety supervisor, holding up printed copy of e-mail: You two are computer nerds. What does this mean? (points at an emoticon)
Analyst #1: It's a smiley face.
Crotchety supervisor, turning the paper sideways: Oh, I see the colon is the eyes and…what the hell is wrong with you people? (crumples up e-mail and walks away)
Analyst #2: Have a nice day!
Oakland, New Jersey
Overheard by: >:(
Adoptions manager to executive director: Can I talk to you while you're googling?
Gulfport, Mississippi
Overheard by: Foster Care Goddess
Admin to office manager: Do you want to talk to Michelle with ABC company?
Office manager: No, just put her in my voice mail.
Admin, picking up call: Michelle, she's actually at a karate tournament right now. Can I put you in her voice mail?
Nashville, Tennessee
Evil woman: So I heard this question on the radio this morning: would you rather be fat and someone think you're pregnant, or someone think you are a prostitute? That's just retarded, because you can fix pregnant…and fat. You can't fix prostitute.
St Louis, Missouri
Minion #1: Do you smell that? It smells like the wicker section of Zellers around here.
Minion #2: Ah, you're right. It does smell like wicker. What is that? Who smells like wicker?
Minion #1: I love playing the “what's that smell?” game in the hallway at work.
Mississauga
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: I Don't Stink
Manager: Are you going to throw out those Christmas decorations?
Employee: Yes.
Manager: No, we should give those away. Give them to them to the homeless.
Employee: But…(pause) They're homeless!
Manager: Yeah, but haven't you seen those that live under the bridge? They could decorate!
(room goes silent)
Brownsville, Texas
Salon receptionist: How can I help you?
Girl: I would like to schedule an appointment for acrylic nails.
Salon receptionist: Okay, can I get your first and last name?
Girl: Sure, it's Lindsay… (long pause) …I forgot the second question.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Really…?!
