There Are Used Vibrators on EBay (Don't Ask How We Know)

Guy: Me and the wife are going out this weekend. You think you could hook me up with…uhh, some happy fun time shit?
Girl: Are you serious? I don't think I have anything you'd like. How do you know what your wife wants?
Guy: What the fuck? She wants weed, end of story!
Girl: Oh, shit! I thought you were talking about sex toys!
Guy: Why the fuck would I ask to borrow someone else's sex toys?
Girl: I…uh…
Guy (smirking): So you have sex toys, huh? What kind?
Girl: Shut up!

Centennial, Colorado

Overheard by: Trouble

Posted on December 7, 2018
Colorado, Friends, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Substance Use & Abuse

Here's T.S. Eliot to Explain

Receptionist: What month is April?

Dentist Office
Arlington Heights, Illinois

Posted on December 2, 2018
General Idiocy, Illinois, Questions, Receptionists, Time Management

You're in Luck– They're the Same Guy!

Coworker on phone: Hi, may I speak to your moaner? I mean, “owner”?

Mustang, Oklahoma

Posted on December 1, 2018
Coworkers, General Idiocy, Oklahoma, On the phone, Questions, Words

I’m Sure You’ll Be a Fine President

Employee #1: You know that part of your brain that stops you from doing stupid shit?
Employee #2: Nope.
Employee #1: Oh.

Galleria
Houston, Texas

Overheard by: consultantinka

Posted on November 30, 2018
Body Parts, Coworkers, Default, Employees, Questions, Retail, Texas

Yeah Well, I Also Said I'd Never Forget My Birth Control.

Worker #1, looking at calendar: Patriot Day? What the hell is Patriot Day?!
Worker #2: Dude, that's September 11th.
Worker #1: Oh, damn.
Worker #3: You said you'd never forget!

Ellensburg, Washington

Posted on November 30, 2018
Coworkers, General Idiocy, Questions, Washington

No Lady Should Examine Bacteria Unescorted

Male postdoc: Are you sure you can’t do this experiment alone tomorrow?
Female postdoc: I’m sure! I’ll ask someone to help! I can’t do it alone! I’m too short! Pretty! Boobs, and stuff!

Physics Lab
Hunter College, New York

Posted on November 29, 2018
Body Parts, Default, Education, New York, Physical Appearance, Questions, Science, Students

What Does He Think the Mad Cows Eat?

Editor, looking at ad for “Summer Garden Madness”: Why is everything “madness”? There’s nothing “madness” about a basket of vegetables.

2 Penn Plaza
New York, New York

Overheard by: angry carrot

Posted on November 28, 2018
Lies, New York, Questions, Words, Writers and Editors

It’s the Latest Craze

Asian employee: Why is everyone Asian?!

Chinatown
New York, New York

Overheard by: Murray

Posted on November 27, 2018
Employees, New York, Questions, Race

Hence the Red Sprinkles

Coworker, about truffles for office-sponsored fundraiser: Okay then, so we'll have truffles rolled in espresso, red sprinkles and peanuts…wait, did we scratch the nuts?

Rice Lake, Wisconsin

Posted on November 25, 2018
Body Parts, Employees, Meals and Snacks, Questions, Wisconsin

I’d Like to Pay for It with Monopoly Money

Customer: Do you have The Odyssey in the original Latin?

Haste Street and Telegraph Avenue
Berkeley, California

Posted on November 22, 2018
California, Dumb Customers, Questions

Questions