Employee #1: Okay, we’ll send an intern over, then.
Employee #2 on speaker: That’d be great. Do you have any Asians?
250 Park Ave South
New York, NY
Employee #1: Okay, we’ll send an intern over, then.
Employee #2 on speaker: That’d be great. Do you have any Asians?
250 Park Ave South
New York, NY
Female agent on phone: You gonna have supper ready when I get home? I don’t care… Fine, chicken. Fried chicken. Whatever, get your ass in the kitchen and make me some fried chicken. Just shut up and go make me some chicken, I’ll be home in an hour [hangs up]. My husband is so whipped.
Evans Building
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Going Gay
Cube dweller on phone: Ummm… The half-naked guy with the fire hydrant.
Framingham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Shmendrik the Yenta
Woman with thick Chinese accent on phone: Poop!? Poop!? You poop on the floor!? How old are you?
Somerville, New Jersey
Consultant on phone: No, Sandy*, you are not allowed to take your pet chicken on the domestic flights.
Other line: [Muffled yelling.]Consultant: Sandy, I have already told you — even if it is in a cage, we do not allow pets in the cabin. Only guide dogs or police dogs. You will have to send it as cargo. [Other line hangs up.] Good God! Who the fuck wants to take a chicken away for summer vacation with them?!
Auckland
New Zealand
Worker on phone: Hi, Amy*, this is Emily* in editorial. Are you new back there?
IT chick: Yeah.
Worker: Okay, well, I’m having a problem with my phone. I just got a new phone with a caller ID screen on it, but when I get calls the screen is blank. Is there some button I have to push, or…?
IT chick: Well, why don’t you try unplugging the phone and then plugging it back in. I’ll stay on the line.
Worker: Um…
120 West 1st Avenue
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: Big Ideas
Crew chief on phone: Hello?…No, I can’t talk right now, my truck is on fire….Okay, I’ll call you back. My truck is on fire….Okay, I’ll deal with this tonight. My truck is on fire….Okay my truck is on fire, I can’t really talk right now….Okay, my truck is literally on fire beneath me, I’ll call you back.
303 Second Street West
Brooks, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Shane Parker
Student on phone: Sir, as a current student at XYZ College*, I know I can talk to you about all the improvements that we’ve made since you attended…. Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. No… No, I didn’t realize you hated XYZ. I will be sure to tell him that… Repeat after you? Sir, please… I promise I’ll tell him… Okay, sir, I’ll tell him that you said that everyone at this school can fuck themselves and suck your 70-year-old balls… Thank you. You have a good night, too, sir.
515 Loudon Road
Loudonville, New York
Overheard by: trying not to laugh while on the phone
Administrator on phone: Yeah, my cat passed away last Sunday. I put him in a paper bag and put it out on the curb for… for trash pick-up… What else could I do? Can’t put him in the back yard. Yeah, I gotta get a new place. I can’t stand the mice anymore.
Department of Education, 65 Court Street
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Emma
Coworker on phone: Well, 69 works for me if it works for you.
Dana Point, California
