Client on phone, returning from lunch: What, we have a meeting now? I’ll be there in ten minutes. Is [the boss] around?
Admin: Yeah, he’s right here.
Client: Good, go kick him in the shin for me.
Admin: Um, you’re on speakerphone.
Client: I hate you! How many times have I told you never to put me on speakerphone!?
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Owner: So, Gary*, did you ever tell Lou* that he could not get a check for any steel order we needed?
Gary: No, no, no, I have never done that.
Lou: What about last week?
Gary: Well, we didn’t have any money then.
Provo, Utah
Overheard by: Poking my eyes out
Manager: It doesn't matter.
Clerk: Sorry, but my union guaranteed ass-covering requires that you specifically define “it.”
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
New intern taking tour of company warehouse: So, you said that we have a lifetime guarantee on all the clothes that we send out?
Warehouse manager: Oh, yeah, we guarantee all our merchandise. We’ll even return underwear that’s been soiled.
Plainfield, Indiana
Employee #1: The heater is on fire! Can you call a manager?
Employee #2, with radio: Uh-uh. I'm on break.
Wal-Mart
California
Angry manager on phone to late employee: I don't care if your nipples fall off! You need to get your ass in here now!
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Nic
Human resources drone: I mean, we have some wine here but as the human resource person, I can't advocate for us drinking it while at work. I mean, we are a work-free environment.
Seattle, Washington
Loud chick: Why bother callin' it a vacation day when you can just call in sick?
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Supervisor at staff meeting: In our department we found snowflakes and icicles to be non-religious decorations.
Watertown, Massachusetts
Overheard by: offended by these decorations
Peon, after colleague leaves: I thought we agreed you weren’t going to talk to him so he wouldn’t come over any more!
Alpharetta, Georgia
