Office Politics

'Cause Home Is Where the Pancreas Is

Drug rep: All the regulations in this industry just keep getting more strict all the time. I set up a meeting the other day with one of our medical reps and a doctor I know and I couldn't say a word the entire time except to introduce them. I was like a mouse on the floor.
Admin (laughing hysterically): Do you mean “a fly on the wall”?
Drug rep (embarrassed): Give me a break. It's Friday morning and I'm wearing a suit for a meeting that was canceled and nobody told me. I'm going home!

Arlington, Texas

Overheard by: Genyis

Or Give Us Little Cuts with Value Rewards Cards

Cashier: Do you have a value rewards card?
Girl: No.
Cashier: Would you like to sign up for a value rewards card?
Girl: No, thank you.
Cashier: Sorry, we have to ask or they take us out back and beat us.

Pentagon City Mall
Arlington, Virginia

He Keeps That Totally on the DL

Coworker #1: I was berated by Susan* yesterday because I asked for my light fixture to be fixed… again… after 13 days. She got angry because she ‘has more important things to worry about.’ Apparently, her husband’s in the ICU.
Coworker #2: Dude, she’s going to have to unplug him.
Coworker #1: I understand that, but I resent the accusation that somehow my asking for my light to be fixed betrays an insensitivity to the plight of her almost-dead husband.

Austin, Texas

11AM Compile Mailers

Employee #1: You’re making a mess with the mail. Envelopes are all over the place. They’re calling me to come clean them up.
Employee #2: They’re calling you? What are they saying?
Employee #1: “Come clean me up. I’m strewn about the table.”
Employee #2: …Because evelopes have such a good vocabulary.
Employee #1: Of course they do. That’s why they don’t stay sealed. They’ve got a lot to say.

12100 I-40 East
Amarillo, Texas

Dubya: Can We Get a Constitutional Amendment to That Effect?

Coworker #1: Tell me I’m crazy.
Coworker #2: You’re crazy.
Coworker #1: Yeah, Helen* totally caught me checking out Bob* yesterday.
Coworker #2: You’re crazy, ’cause he’s gay…
Coworker #1: So, what? Gays aren’t allowed to look good?

Missoula, Montana

Overheard by: Gaia

Speaking Of “Expanding at an Incredible Rate”! Ba Dum Bum!

Boss on phone: We really want to focus on your company in 2009. The alternative energy sector is expanding at an incredible rate, and I… (pause) Really? Rape?

Williamstown
Australia

Overheard by: Kate

As I Explain in Painstaking Detail to All Of My Dates

IT director: You have to think of an org chart as a sort of hierarchy.

Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia

That’s Right Up There With “Neato” and Giving a Thumbs-Up

Coworker, reading an e-mail: Oh no… We can’t hire someone that says “TGIF”.

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: I agree

I Finally Had to Pretend to Be Dead

Technician #1 to technician #2: When the boss asked me where I was at on the calibration I just thought to myself: “If I stand here very quiet and don’t respond maybe he’ll forget he asked me”.

Avionics Shop, Washington

Here, It Counts As Deep Conversation.

Telemarketing instructor #1, analyzing recorded call: Does heavy breathing count as “filler language”?
Telemarketing instructor #2: Not at this call center.

Boston, Massachusetts

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