Coworker: I need to order some more super sticky notes. This is how much they cost. Okay to order?
Boss lady: What do we use these for?
Coworker: Labeling crates. We need super sticky notes because regular post-its don't stay.
Boss lady: How much for regular post-its and tape?
Coworker: (silence)
Cincinnati, Ohio
Boss: I really want us to go the whole 11 yards on this.
Employees: [Silence.]Boss: Oh, sorry! Twelve. We need to go the whole 12 yards.
3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Salesperson: They don’t have to know what they want. They just have to tell me what they want.
2299 Ridge Road
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: dying a slow death
Project manager: So, when Janet* gets it from both sides next week… Do you think that is what Craig* and Barbara* really want?
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: The Quiet Consultant
Student: Hi! I need to get a list of course requirements so I can fill out this form, please.
Receptionist: Okay, we’ll just need a copy of the form first.
Student: But I need the requirements to fill out the form…
Receptionist: I’m sorry, we don’t work in hypotheticals.
Student: Um… okay… What was it in the past?
Receptionist: We don’t file them that way. We’ll need a copy of the form.
Student: So you need this form filled out so you can give me the list that I need to fill out the form?
Receptionist: Yes!
Dunster Street
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Executive: Our new company motto is “Fuck it!” Can we put it on our website?
1777 North California Boulevard
Walnut Creek, California
Supervisor #1: I mean, humans are the only ones that are supposed to be having interspecies sex, and even then, I don’t think that we should be.
Supervisor #2: Ew.
Supervisor #3: But that’d probably get you promoted here.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Consultant on phone: No, Sandy*, you are not allowed to take your pet chicken on the domestic flights.
Other line: [Muffled yelling.]Consultant: Sandy, I have already told you — even if it is in a cage, we do not allow pets in the cabin. Only guide dogs or police dogs. You will have to send it as cargo. [Other line hangs up.] Good God! Who the fuck wants to take a chicken away for summer vacation with them?!
Auckland
New Zealand
Drug rep: All the regulations in this industry just keep getting more strict all the time. I set up a meeting the other day with one of our medical reps and a doctor I know and I couldn't say a word the entire time except to introduce them. I was like a mouse on the floor.
Admin (laughing hysterically): Do you mean “a fly on the wall”?
Drug rep (embarrassed): Give me a break. It's Friday morning and I'm wearing a suit for a meeting that was canceled and nobody told me. I'm going home!
Arlington, Texas
Overheard by: Genyis
Cashier: Do you have a value rewards card?
Girl: No.
Cashier: Would you like to sign up for a value rewards card?
Girl: No, thank you.
Cashier: Sorry, we have to ask or they take us out back and beat us.
Pentagon City Mall
Arlington, Virginia
