Male employee, angry about benefits: So my live-in girlfriend is not a domestic partner but Steve's* boyfriend is?
HR generalist: Yes, that's right. Domestic partners are same sex partners, that is the policy.
Male employee: So if my girlfriend became my boyfriend I could put her on my insurance?
HR generalist: Yes, if she grows a penis and discovers a deep abiding love for Cher, she can be on your insurance.
Male employee: Really?
HR generalist: (sighs)
Skokie, Illinois
Loud, annoying girl on phone trying to sound important: No, no, no! We can't do April 22nd, we're closed for black Friday!
Manhattan, New York
Manager: Jen*, what happened to dress code?
Jen: I just rolled my pants up. I was hot.
Manager: Did you shave your legs?
Jen: Yes.
Manager: Then it’s okay.
3 Kent Road
New Milford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Nik
Employee: This memo was sent back saying that your signature wasn't acceptable, someone higher up has to sign it.
Boss: Oh yeah, there is a memo for that. The big boss signed a memo stating that I can sign the memos that he is supposed to sign.
Employee: I'm sorry, I must not have heard about that. Where can I get a copy?
Boss: It's saved in the financial directory folder. By the way, so everyone is on the same page, do you think you could send out a memo about that?
Large University
Michigan
Attorney on phone: I don't ever want you to be afraid to clamp down on my boys.
Durango, Colorado
40-something male colleague: Oh, Sunday was no-pants day! Did you participate?
20-something female intern: Yes, but not intentionally!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Office lady #1: And I was like “Hmmmmmmmm… Ya, not sure how Karen* feels about the whole not-being-friends thing. No offense, but we don't ever talk about you.”
Office lady #2: She missed me putting up with her shit?
Office lady #1: And I don't talk to her about you.
Office lady #2: Do it! I don't care! You can tell her that I think she is so full of shit she should be an overflowing outhouse.
Office lady #1, laughing: You know me, I would never do that!
Office lady #2: The only difference between her and the overflowing outhouse is that I'd shit on her.
Calgary
Canadia
Peon #1: I'm sorry. I was trying to apply logic to it.
Peon #2: You can't do that. This is a corporation.
San Francisco, California
Cube dweller: Sleeping with the manager does not give you authority.
395 Scenic Highway
Lawrenceville, Georgia
Cubicle dweller to colleague: Let just ignore for a moment the fact that the data is all screwed.
Colleague: It's a rather unorthodox way of looking at it…
Austin, Texas
