Manager: Never before have the seat of my pants been so flown upon.
Record Exchange
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jonny the Shiv
Manager: Never before have the seat of my pants been so flown upon.
Record Exchange
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jonny the Shiv
Manager: We’re getting married in Gibraltar.
Designer: Oh, that sounds nice.
Manager: You know, you’ve heard of Gibraltar. Rocks… Monkeys… Except I don’t like monkeys. I don’t want monkeys in my wedding!
UNC-Chapel Hill
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Female staff: Oh man, I’m so into “America’s Next Top Model.” You know that show.
Male staff: Oh yes. Good quality programming.
Female staff: They were having this marathon on VH1 this weekend, like the whole last season all at once. I got so hooked. But I missed the last two or three episodes, so I don’t know who won it.
Male staff: That’s awful. You really don’t know? That was last season.
Female staff: No, I didn’t see the last few episodes.
Male staff: You mean to tell me that you don’t know who won last season’s “America’s Next Top Model”?
Female staff: I didn’t see the last episode?
Male staff: But you don’t recognize her from all of the glamorous advertisements and runway shows she’s been doing?
Female staff: Well, no, I… Oh. You’re being sarcastic.
Male staff: For minutes now.
10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Professor: So, you know how if you feed your sister-in-law’s kid a lot of sugar and caffeine, and he gets all crazy-like and runs around screaming? Well, that’s like exciting the molecule. And after a while, the excitement dies down, and he hits something. Like a wall. And if you’re lucky, he vomits. Fluorescence is the vomit of molecule excitation.
High Point University
High Point, North Carolina
Overheard by: This is what we’re teaching the leaders of tomorrow?
Sales guy: I was thinking of going to Bert’s Bait and Tackle to get some hot dogs for lunch.
Sales assistant: You buy hot dogs at a bait and tackle store?!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Customer: Hmmm… I want something in a waffle cone.
Salesgirl, holding cone: Okay. What would you like?
Customer: Can you do a chocolate dip with that cone?
Salesgirl: No, it’s not strong enough.
Customer: Oh. Well, can you put a small banana split in it?
Salesgirl: Uh, no.
Customer: What about a malt?
Salesgirl: No.
Customer: A milkshake?
Salesgirl: No.
Customer, irritated: Well, what can you do with it?
Salesgirl: I can put yogurt in it.
Frozen yogurt shop
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Sales guy: Is the old copy machine face-up or face-down?
Office manager: Face… up. No, face-down. Eh, just try it both ways.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Lab worker #1: Murder only applies to humans. It’s a term specific to us.
Lab worker #2: You can’t ‘murder’ a dream?
Lab worker #1: You can’t murder baby cows.
Lab worker #2: What about cats?
Lab worker #1: No. Cats can’t be murdered… Unless they?re half-cat, half-person.
Lab worker #2: Then it’s half murder.
Lab worker #1: Even if it’s premeditated, it’s knocked back to manslaughter. That?s probably why the cat people think we’re biased against them, but really it’s just that the legal system wasn?t set up with them in mind. [Silence.] I’ve thought about this a lot.
Durham, North Carolina
Coworker on phone with QC guy: Um… You just hit the printer icon… What? Well, just type it on a Word document. Uh, you type, then hit that aforementioned printer icon… Okay, hold up. Let’s just start from square one, shall we? First, is your computer on this time? Okay, hit your start button, down there at the bottom of your screen. Uh, and don’t really hit it — just click, okay? Now click ‘All programs’… M-hmmm… Now click ‘Microsoft Office, and then ‘Microsoft Word.’ You get a pop-up on your computer about macros. Click the ‘X.’ [Sighs.] Well, give it a minute — you’ll have a pop-up. Very good. Yes, hit the ‘X.’ [After pause] Now you type — you know — typey-type-type-type? Then print. Right. No, if you don’t save it, then it won’t stay on your computer… What exactly are you typing and printing in there? … You know what? Never mind. It’s better if I just don’t know. [Hangs up, then speaks to self.] And I can’t ship anything without him checking the parts first… I have a good feeling in my belly now.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Cube rat: Well, change your diaper and move on. That’s what I always say.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
