Co-worker #1: These new pants are great. I can spill anything on them and it just brushes right off. I wish I knew how they did it.
Co-worker #2: It’s nanotechnology.
7 Times Square
New York, NY
Co-worker #1: These new pants are great. I can spill anything on them and it just brushes right off. I wish I knew how they did it.
Co-worker #2: It’s nanotechnology.
7 Times Square
New York, NY
Boss: I think it’s time for a sodey!
Coworker: What, like, mix it yourself?
Boss: Yup! I’m going to jerk it right here at my desk!
Rockefeller Plaza
New York, New York
Overheard by: talking-to-hr-about-moving-my-desk
Boss: From now on, people, we’re going to make Perfection our baseline.
The development team laughs.
Developer: Dude, whatever the fuck you’ve been reading, stop it.
1 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Mad William Flint
Peon to boss looking for the bigger boss: He is not there. He is murdering Mike*.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: has a will
Old coworker: What the hell is that on your chin?
Hipster coworker: I’m growing out my goatee.
Old coworker: Why the fuck would you do that?
Hipster coworker: A girl last night at the bar told me it looks sexy.
Old coworker: It looks like a buffer pad for a high speed cocksucker.
43 West 42nd Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: You’ll Get Crumbs In It
Employee on phone with a French company: I’m sorry that you’re offended that I don’t speak French, sir…Well, I don’t know what to tell you. I speak English and Korean; I just don’t speak French. We have a great offer here. I think you’d like to hear about it, even in English…Well, if you’d like I can speak to you with what French I do know but I’m afraid it will only be “hello” and “yes” or “no.”…I’m sorry that you think my lack of French represents what’s wrong with America in general…
61 Broadway
New York, New York
Manager: What time is my meeting with you?
Employee: I don't know. I got your e-mail, but didn't know you were talking about, so I deleted it.
Broadway & Walker
New York City
Overheard by: office peon hates meetings
Bitter intern to cheerful intern: Jeez, stop being so motivated and shit. The only thing I’m actively doing today is refraining from eating magic mushrooms at my desk.
Rockefeller Plaza
New York City, New York
Engineer to another: Don't you just love it when Mark* comes up to your desk and throws down a recipe for soup and asks you where to buy asphalt? And he keeps pointing at it!
New York City, New York
Overheard by: jt
Judge: You've been charged with violation of section […] of the city code: having an open bottle of alcohol in public. How old are you?
Dirty, shirtless white man: Eighteen.
Judge: Does anyone else live in your household with you?
Dirty, shirtless white man: Yeah, my girlfriend and our two kids.
Judge: How old is your girlfriend?
Dirty, shirtless white man: Thirty-eight.
Judge: Thirty-eight? How long have you two been living together?
Dirty, shirtless white man: About seven years.
Judge: You're 18 and you and this woman have been living together for seven years??
Dirty, shirtless white man: Yeah.
Judge: Can you post $100 bail?
Dirty, shirtless white man: I have no money, judge.
Judge: Uh, well, then just come back on November 26, okay?
(man leaves)
Judge, to law clerk: He's got enough problems.
City Court
Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
