Manager to peons: And it will stay up. Because of, you know, gravity.
Plymouth, Michigan
Overheard by: Megan
[Whistling can be heard through a door.]Co-worker: Where’s that goddamn whistling coming from? Hello?! Stop fucking whistling! Don’t you know there are people trying to be miserable here?!
Escanaba, Michigan
Overheard by: Auds
Nurse assistant to patient: Do you want corn, carrots, or peas?
Patient: Cake.
Nurse assistant: Cake isn’t a vegetable. What would you like to drink?
Patient: Cookies.
Nurse assistant: You can’t drink cookies.
St. John Hospital
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: I was laughing
Ditzy customer service rep #1: Isn’t there a country where they read right to left?
Ditzy customer service rep #2: Oh, yeah, isn’t that England?
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: Way Underpaid HR Manager
Fat male boss: So, how are you feeling these days?
Slim, seven-months-pregnant admin assistant: Pretty good, but my back is starting to hurt a little from the 17 pounds I’ve gained.
Fat male boss: You know, you’re going to want to watch that. That weight isn’t easy to take off once you’ve put it on.
Zeeland, Michigan
Overheard by: So glad I no longer work for him
Peon: Ever since I saw The Hunchback of Notre Dame, I’ve always had a fondness for gypsy women.
1250 Library Street
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Daniel Gillies
20-ish female associate: Yeah, and you should see her hair! She dyed it red.
20-ish male associate: Really? How red? Like, Netflix-red?
20-ish female associate: No! Worse than that. Like Tandoori chicken-red!
Middle-aged male associate: Wait, wait, wait — what on Earth are you two talking about? What ever happened to fire engine-red and candy apple-red? [Met with silent, blank stares, then waves his hand in disdain] Bah! You kids nowadays are all freaks!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Girl: One stamp please. [Crusty mail lady puts Christmas stamp on envelope.] Oh, ummm, does it need to be that one? [Crusty mail lady shoots death rays with eyes.] But they’re Jewish! [More death rays.] But I’m asking them for a job! [Crusty mail lady rips off Christmas stamp and replaces with flower stamp.] Ummm…
Crusty mail lady: Fifty-one cents.
Post office
Michigan
Overheard by: Jen
Male peon to another: Now I have to go and wash my butt, and that’s no fun!
1176 Crooks Road
Troy, Michigan
Software developer to web designer: Our toilets don’t flush, so we don’t need cable television anymore. This is not a metaphor.
5th Avenue
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Logic Impaired
