If You Don't Drink Coffee, You're Boring and All Your Stories Suck

Assistant: I'm going to Starbucks; can I get you anything?
IT tech: What's Starbucks?

Lawrence, Kansas

Overheard by: a girl who HASN'T been living under a rock

Posted on September 29, 2014
Dorks, Geeks, & Nerds, Employees, General Idiocy, Kansas, Meals and Snacks, Nerds and Geeks, Questions, Tech People

I Just Mean, I See You Reading a Lot of Menus

New guy to female coworker, handing her lunch menu: You look like someone who would be interested in this.
Female coworker: What is that supposed to mean?
New guy: Oh.

Main Street
Watertown, Massachusetts

Overheard by: so glad i'm not male

Posted on September 27, 2014
Coworkers, Diet & Weight, General Idiocy, Massachusetts, Meals and Snacks, Questions

Anything More Important Than Twenty Caffeine Junkies Who Want to Kill You?

Angry manager: I’ve got more important shit in my life than that goddam coffee can.

New Mexico

Posted on September 27, 2014
Anger management, Compare and contrast, Default, Employees, Feelings, Meals and Snacks, New Mexico

To Prevent Monkey-Deficiency Anemia

Cube dweller: I think you just need to eat more monkey…

731 Fairfield Court
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: it actually made sense at the time

Posted on September 24, 2014
Crazies, Meals and Snacks, Michigan

Everybody Feels That Way about Dr. Phil

Peon: I don’t know… It just seems like kind of a waste of Jell-O.

1 Athenaeum Street
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Posted on September 22, 2014
Coworkers, Gripes, Massachusetts, Meals and Snacks

With Connie, at Least You Know Where It's Been

Female coworker #1: Is that a cucumber you just pulled out of your desk drawer?
Female coworker #2: Yeah, Connie gave it to me yesterday. So watch out: today is “beat people with a cucumber day”, so if you piss me off I'm gonna hit you with my cucumber.
Female coworker #1: Wait… Why did Connie give you a cucumber?
Female coworker #2: She had it at her desk yesterday and was having some fun with it. Then she got tired of it, so she gave it to me.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: WD40

Posted on September 22, 2014
Coworkers, Meals and Snacks, Pennsylvania, Questions, Sexuality, Threats

3PM Bathroom Break

Co-worker: This is the hard part. Yep, it still looks like tomato soup.

5801 South Wintersburg Road
Tonopah, Arizona

Posted on September 16, 2014
Arizona, Coworkers, Meals and Snacks

In Totally Unrelated News, Whatever Happened to Jen from Human Resources?

Lady accountant: I'm getting fat!
French accountant: Fat?! What are you talking about?! I could eat you and no one would notice! (awkward silence) Actually, pretend I didn't say that.

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Not an Accountant