Coworker #1: Have you been to Joey’s*? It’s awesome.
Coworker #2: Not in a long time. Not since it was a deli.
Coworker #1: Oh, you should go. They have those big hooba wooba pipes…Hooba booba…Hooba hooba pipes?
Coworker #2: Do you mean hookas?
Coworker #1: Yeah.
330 Garden Street
Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: Violet White
Lunchbreaker: Do you want half my cheeseburger?
Worker: No.
Lunchbreaker: Oh, d’oh. I forgot.
Worker: If I’m going to eat meat again, I wanna eat a slab of beef that is over thirty dollars. I want to make sure that when I’m in the bathroom with cramps, that it is worth it.
1 Easton Oval
Columbus, Ohio
Guy with food in elevator: There’s the freaking writing on the wall!
Girl with food: Yeah, I know! Putting it on broccoli? Cheese?! Pretty soon she’ll just be eating ketchup by itself!
1285 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York
Fat lady: I want your 21-piece bucket of chicken.
Rude employee: Is that for here, or to go?
Fat lady: You think I can eat this whole thing by myself?
Rude employee: I don’t know your life. Bitch!
1406 Saint Charles Avenue
New Orleans, Louisiana
Waitress #1: The chicken is layered with proscuitto, sage, and pecorino cheese…
Customer snickers.
Waitress #1: What’s so funny?
Customer: It’s just… the cheese! [snickers again]
Waitress #1 to waitress #2: What is funny about pecorino cheese?
Waitress # 2: You said “pecker.”
Victorian Square
Sparks, Nevada
Overheard by: waitress # 1
Coworker: I know anytime I go to a place with Ted Danson’s picture on the wall, they are gonna have great food.
200 State Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Temp: Apparently he eats his cat’s leftovers.
140 West 45th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: another temp
Male supervisor: Give Janet* one of those chocolate pretzel things. Because she’s going on vacation and doesn’t have to fit into a bathing suit this weekend.
Janet*, aside: I swear, random people have been coming up to me all day asking about my supposed nude beach trip to Jamaica.
Male supervisor: Let it all hang out, baby.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Coworker on phone: Hello? Hi honey. Yes? No, no. Mayonnaise. M-A-Y-O-N-E-S. M-A-Y-O-N-E-S. Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise? Mayonnaise? M. A. Y. O. N. N. A. I. S. E. Mayonnaise? Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. Okay, see you tonight.
1150 Amsterdam Avenue
New York, New York
Girl: I’m going to the store. Do you want anything?
Guy #1: Yeah, can you get me a Dr. Brown’s black cherry soda?
Girl: Ok.
Guy #1, holding out cash: Here.
Girl: What’s that?
Guy #2: It’s called money. What? It’s been so long since you seen it, you don’t recognize it! Damn, next time hand her some post-it notes and let her be on her merry way!
250 West 30th Street
New York, New York
