Manager: What was the soup de jour of the day today?
Sterling Forest Road
Sterling Forest, New York
Overheard by: Mark D.
Manager: What was the soup de jour of the day today?
Sterling Forest Road
Sterling Forest, New York
Overheard by: Mark D.
Tourist: What is this special wine deal you have tonight?
Waitress: Well, it’s 5-dollar Italian wine night, so any wine that is made in Italy is 5 dollars. But we are out of Sauvignon Blanc and Pinot Grigio.
Tourist: Well, I guess I’ll have a glass of Sauvignon Blanc.
Waitress: We’re out of that. Anything else.
Tourist: Then I’ll have a glass of Pinot Grigio.
17th and P Street
Washington, DC
Overheard by: guy at another table
Customer: Can you draw something on the cake for me?
Employee: Sure, what do you want on it?
Customer: A dick.
Employee: I can do you one better. We’ve got these chocolate-covered bananas, and chocolate-covered cookie dough balls. I can put an edible, chocolate-covered dick and balls on your cake.
Customer: Fucking awesome!
Manager, walking in: Uh, what are you doing?
Employee: Making a dick cake.
Manager: Woo! Makin’ a dick cake!
Ben & Jerry’s, East Village
New York, New York
Overheard by: Sam
Exec steals Nutri-Grain Bar from CEO.
CEO: Give that back!
Exec: No.
CEO, cornering exec and pushing him against the wall: Give that to me; that’s my Nutri-Grain!
Exec: You aren’t getting it back.
CEO: That’s stealing, man!
Exec: Buy some more! You’ve got the money!
CEO, releasing exec: You’re a real class act, man.
Exec unwraps and eats Nutri-Grain Bar.
5200 Dixie Road
Toronto, Ontario
Young lady: Are there nuts in the apple walnut salad?
Dining companion, sarcastically: No, it’s a new type of apple.
Young lady: Good, because I’m allergic to nuts, and I really want that salad.
Waiter: Do you want the half salad or the whole?
858 Tittabawassee Road
Saginaw, Michigan
Overheard by: Herodotus420
Admin: I just ordered the pizzas, but I don’t know if it’s gonna get here. I kept telling them, “Our building is on Exalander Road,” and they didn’t even know where that was.
Boss: We work on Alexander Road.
Admin: I know, that’s what I kept telling them. Exalander Road. But they had no clue.
Route 1 South and Alexander Road
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Emily
Starbucks customer: Yes, I’d like a grande Dolce & Gabbana latte?
Extremely patient barrista: You mean a Dolce cinnamon latte?
Starbucks customer: No! I said Dolce & Gabbana, and that’s what I want!
Extremely patient barrista: I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t sell that here anymore.
Starbucks, Indian River Road
Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: a smarter customer.
Worker #1: They’re out of orange juice again.
Worker #2: Yeah, and they haven’t refilled the cocoa slot, either.
Worker #1: They’re also out of Dr. Pepper.
Worker #3: Well, you could just have the Diet Dr. Pepper.
Worker #1: I’m not an animal!
1166 Sixth Avenue
New York, New York
Tech #1: Did you see this consumer complaint? “Your cereal gave me herpes and AIDS.” I guess we’re giving out AIDS as a special promotion.
Tech #2: We’re putting blood in the product now?
Tech #1: Knowing this place, more likely it’s semen.
901 East Whitmore
Modesto, California
Overheard by: Changing my breakfast plans
Voice on intercom: Would the person who ordered a pizza please come up front to pay for it? What? Oh! Cancel the last announcement. It is the Fed Ex guy not the pizza guy.
57060 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
