Oompa-Loompas Kept Hitting on Me

Female coworker: I used to spray tan, but they make you orange and then you smell like Chinese food.
Male coworker: Good Chinese food or bad Chinese food?
Female coworker: Not the good kind. And then it gets all dark in the creases, and you get jaundiced knees…
Male coworker: Just what every man wants…the munchies and a sickly white woman.
Female coworker: I wanted to look Italian.
Male coworker: But instead you wound up with jaundice, smelling like Chinese food.

Plaza VII
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: Hungry now

Posted on February 8, 2015
Body Parts, Colors, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Health & Hygiene, Meals and Snacks, Minnesota, Physical Appearance

1PM Lunch

CSR: Oh my god. I just spilled soup on my glasses! I was eating soup and it splashed on my face.

1005 17th Street
Denver, Colorado

Posted on February 7, 2015
Body Parts, Colorado, Customer Service, General Idiocy, Gripes, Meals and Snacks

We’re Going in after It

Lunching woman to another: So, Ellen*, what’re you gonna do about your cow’s undescended testicle?

Hamilton, New Jersey

Overheard by: Glynda

Posted on February 6, 2015
Coworkers, Gossip, Meals and Snacks, New Jersey

When Your Job Is Over Hard

Waitress: Can I ask you something? This customer wants two eggs. But he wants them fried. Do we even do that here?
Manager: Um, yes. Actually most eggs are fried. There’s over easy, sunny side up, over hard…
Waitress: Oh, really? OK. Whatever.

30th & Walnut Streets
Boulder, Colorado

Overheard by: Just having oatmeal

Posted on February 5, 2015
Bimbettes, Bosses and Underlings, Colorado, General Idiocy, Meals and Snacks, Service

Serves You Right for Tossing Your Own Salad

Elderly worker: I just teabagged myself! (referring to actually dropping a tea bag on herself)

Pipersville, Pennsylvania

Posted on February 3, 2015
Body Parts, Employees, Meals and Snacks, Pennsylvania, Sexuality

It’s Never Been Grounded, Helps Old Ladies across the Street…

Customer: What’s the lunch special?
Waitress: The Reuben — it’s very good… Of course, I haven’t had it before…

624 Ludington Street
Escanaba, Michigan

Overheard by: Huh!?!

Posted on February 3, 2015
Dumb Employees, Meals and Snacks, Michigan

Sleepless in the Hardware Department: Act Two

Salesguy on phone: I got your nuts right here!!

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Posted on February 2, 2015
Body Parts, Meals and Snacks, North Carolina, On the phone, Sales, Words

Remind Me Again Why You’re in Charge?

Employee #1: Do we have any Band-Aids in the back?
Manager, after long pause: Uh…I don’t think so.
Employee #2: Oh, Susan* said we did. I need one.
Manager: Um…I’m pretty sure we don’t, but I’ll look.

After disappearing in the back for 5 minutes, manager comes back out to the register.

Employee #1: So there were none back there?
Manager: Nope.
Employee #2: I’m sure there are some. Not even in the first aid kit?
Manager, after another long pause: Oooh! Band-Aids! I thought you said, “Mayonnaise”!

Victoria’s Secret
New Mexico

Posted on February 2, 2015
Coworkers, Dumb Bosses, General Idiocy, Health & Hygiene, Meals and Snacks, New Mexico, Retail

1PM Lunch

Co-worker #1: You smell of fish!
Co-worker #2: I’ve been at a fishmongers!
Co-worker #1: Oh! I thought it was an urban myth but they actually do sell fish at a fishmongers?
Co-worker #2: …What?

Commercial Road
Hull, East Yorkshire
UK

Overheard by: Simon Green

Posted on February 1, 2015
Coworkers, England, Gripes, Meals and Snacks

I'll Just Use the Toaster and Hope for the Best

Office manager, heating up lunch: “Just add water and microwave for four minutes.” No, that has too many directions.

Detroit, Michigan

Overheard by: Confused

Posted on January 31, 2015
Bosses, General Idiocy, Meals and Snacks, Michigan, Technology

Meals and Snacks