My Energy Secret

President: Hello! What are you doing today?
Director, eating canister of Planter's Peanuts: I'm eating my nuts!

Atlanta, Georgia

Posted on February 12, 2015
Body Parts, Bosses, Georgia, Meals and Snacks, Questions

This Kruller May Have a Hole, But You Complete Me.

Male coworker, after being given a fresh donut: I don't think I could be anymore of your friend than I am right now.
Female coworker: Yeah, it just peaked out.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Doughnut King

Posted on February 10, 2015
Coworkers, Meals and Snacks, Relationships, Washington DC

4PM Break Room

Engineer #1: This milk’s gone bad.
Engineer #2: So you just put three quarters of a gallon of bad milk back in the fridge?
Engineer #1: I told Hal* this morning and he said he’d take care of it, but obviously never did, so now whoever used it is gonna end up sick in bed tomorrow.
Architect: That’s ok, it’s supposed to rain tomorrow.

71 West 23rd Street
New York, New York

Posted on February 9, 2015
Meals and Snacks, Metro Northeast, Science and engineering

I Just Wanted Him to Look His Best For That Fruit of the Loom Audition

Boss: Did you draw on my banana?

Hofstra University
Long Island, New York

Posted on February 8, 2015
Bosses, Default, Education, Meals and Snacks, New York, Questions, Weirdness

Oompa-Loompas Kept Hitting on Me

Female coworker: I used to spray tan, but they make you orange and then you smell like Chinese food.
Male coworker: Good Chinese food or bad Chinese food?
Female coworker: Not the good kind. And then it gets all dark in the creases, and you get jaundiced knees…
Male coworker: Just what every man wants…the munchies and a sickly white woman.
Female coworker: I wanted to look Italian.
Male coworker: But instead you wound up with jaundice, smelling like Chinese food.

Plaza VII
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: Hungry now

Posted on February 8, 2015
Body Parts, Colors, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Health & Hygiene, Meals and Snacks, Minnesota, Physical Appearance

1PM Lunch

CSR: Oh my god. I just spilled soup on my glasses! I was eating soup and it splashed on my face.

1005 17th Street
Denver, Colorado

Posted on February 7, 2015
Body Parts, Colorado, Customer Service, General Idiocy, Gripes, Meals and Snacks

We’re Going in after It

Lunching woman to another: So, Ellen*, what’re you gonna do about your cow’s undescended testicle?

Hamilton, New Jersey

Overheard by: Glynda

Posted on February 6, 2015
Coworkers, Gossip, Meals and Snacks, New Jersey

When Your Job Is Over Hard

Waitress: Can I ask you something? This customer wants two eggs. But he wants them fried. Do we even do that here?
Manager: Um, yes. Actually most eggs are fried. There’s over easy, sunny side up, over hard…
Waitress: Oh, really? OK. Whatever.

30th & Walnut Streets
Boulder, Colorado

Overheard by: Just having oatmeal