Waitress to another: No! There’s a reason I don’t eat the coleslaw! No!
Cafe
Salt Point, New York
Overheard by: Not eating it either
Waitress to another: No! There’s a reason I don’t eat the coleslaw! No!
Cafe
Salt Point, New York
Overheard by: Not eating it either
Coworker to another, finding that doughnuts are gone: You wanna just lick the box with me?
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Admin #1: I have to have my green tea to protect me from other people's colds!
Coworker: It's too early for cold season. Yes, do whatever it takes to stay healthy.
Admin #1: Yes, and I also like echinacea but dont have any.
Admin #2: Ah, I like euthanasia too.
(pause)
Admin #2: Wait, what's the difference between euthanasia and echinacea anyways?
Fairfield County, Connecticut
Co-worker #1: Is that pumpkin cream cheese?
Co-worker #2: I think so.
Co-worker #1: You mean you just blindly put that on your bagel?
Co-worker #2: What else would make it orange?
Co-worker #1: …Um…orange?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, what else is orange but pumpkin?
225 Bush Street
San Francisco, California
Accountant, about a bruised banana: Oh, was it beating around in your bush?
Toronto
Canadia
Cube rat #1: Um… Where’d they put the fridge that was here?
Cube rat #2: I don’t know, but I had juice in there. With vodka in it.
63rd Street and Broadway
New York, New York
Manager on cell: That thing could kiss your ass and buy you dinner, and you'd still bitch about it!
St. Louis, Missouri
Peon: Oh, you're going downstairs? Can I get a fag yogurt?
Manager: A… what?
Peon: A fag yogurt. (pause) Well, it's spelled f-a-g-e but we pronounce it the other… way. It's kind of… funny. (long pause) Am I fired?
Manhattan, New York
Cube dweller #1, at weekly company breakfast: Oooh, breakfast. I forgot today was breakfast day.
Cube dweller #2: They sure do know how to buy us off. They could take away our chairs and there would only be a minor grumbling, but if they took away our breakfast… Like, ‘Yeah, we’re gonna be a standing agency now.’ ‘Yeah, that’s cool. Just don’t mess with my breakfast.’
233 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Cube Monkey
Associate to customer on phone about beef recall: We are only recalling meat with the dates April 28th through June 6th on it.
Customer: Well, mine is dated June 23rd. Can I eat it?
Associate: Yes, ma'am. That's not in our recall dates.
Customer: Are you sure it's safe?
Associate: Yes ma'am. That meat wasn't part of the recall.
Customer: What were the dates again?
Associate: April 28th to June 6th.
Customer: So, I won't die?
Associate: Ma'am, unless you plan on smearing it on a pig and eating it raw, you are going to be fine.
Yarmouth, Maine
