For Some Reason, This Scene Was Cut from Pretty Woman

Sad girl, folding t-shirts: And I totally didn't understand why he's like “we need some time apart”. Like, I really thought he was my soulmate. We were the fairytale movie couple, I really loved him… And then he's just like “you call too much. You talk too much. You should stop calling me”.
Uninterested male coworker: Uh, well, you said he paid you for what you called a “one night stand”…
Sad girl: Well, it sounds so bad when you say it like that. Yes, he paid me for that, but I don't know… I felt a connection.
Uninterested male coworker: Yeah, uh… You're a prostitute and he just wanted sex.
Sad girl: Oh, shut up, ass!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Julie

Posted on April 17, 2015
Cinema, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Feelings, General Idiocy, Illinois, Insults, Money, Relationships, Sexuality, Wishes

Just When I Learned to Tell Time, Too

Bimbette: I hate that I have to memorize a new date everyday.

Monroe and LaSalle Street
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on April 14, 2015
Bimbettes, Gripes, Illinois

Sesame Street Poisoning Is All Too Common in the Midwest

Manager to employee: Your head looks like a perfect number seven.

Aurora, Illinois

Overheard by: Ace

Posted on April 11, 2015
Body Parts, Bosses and Underlings, Compare and contrast, Compliments, Illinois, Physical Appearance

Thanks, Law & Order: SVU!

Guy at lunch table: Now I know how to get into little kids' mouths.

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on April 7, 2015
Age and ageing, Body Parts, Employees, Illinois, Out to Lunch, Weirdness

Well, Try to Keep All Your Balls in the Air

Account director: Are you slammed?
Designer: Yeah, I’m juggling David’s* package along with everything else.

111 East Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Hear No Evil

Posted on April 7, 2015
Designers and Photographers, Illinois, Possible Sexual Harassment, Words

Peter Prison-Shower Always Gets His Way

Developer on phone with admin: Yeah, just add it to the list. The account name is 'consumer', password 'buttfucker'. Thanks.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Mr. the Snake

Posted on April 5, 2015
Admins, Illinois, Insults, Internet, On the phone, Tech People, Weirdness

Just a Little One That Will Change the Way I See Things

Female customer: My sunglasses are broken. One of the screws fell out, and a guy in here yesterday said they would replace them with a new pair.
Woman behind counter: Oh, I remember you. You’re just looking for a screw, right?
Female customer, after entire store stops laughing: Aren’t we all, really?

1051 North Rush Street
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Standing behind you

Posted on April 5, 2015
Customer Service, Illinois, Questions, Strangers

This Cubicle Is Greased and Ready to Kick Ass

Coworker: I’ve got more Vaseline than a porn star could use in a year.

330 North Wabash Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on April 4, 2015
Coworkers, Gossip, Illinois

We Told You It Was the Latest Fad

Coworker #1: What kind of creamer is that?
Coworker #2: It's Bailey's.
Coworker #1: You put Bailey's in your coffee at work?
Coworker #2: Yeah, I always put Bailey's in my coffee. It's not that strong or anything.
Coworker #1: Can I get some of that?

Des Plaines, Illinois

Posted on April 3, 2015
Coworkers, Drinking, Illinois, Meals and Snacks, Offers and requests, Questions

I Once Was Lost, but Now Am TBD

24-year-old hotel suit: Excuse me, sir, can I help you find something?
Meeting attendee, wandering around: Yes! Where is room TBD?!

Fancy hotel
Rosemont, Illinois

Overheard by: Jaw dropping in disbelief

Posted on March 31, 2015
Dumb Customers, General Idiocy, Illinois