Legal consultant: What is the legal issue today?
Transferring girl: Well, this woman said she took her dead boyfriend's sperm in the hospital and now his mother wants it and said she'll be damned if she lets anyone have his baby. His mom also says she'll carry the baby herself if she has to to get a son.
Legal consultant (after pause): Okay, send her through.
Eden Prairie, Minnesota
Overheard by: Stan
Receptionist: Give me an STD that's not serious, just…unhealthy.
London
England
Janitor to another, from inside men's restroom: What you need to do is get down in there and scrub. Scrub-a-dub-dub. Like the men in the tub. Scrub. A dub. Dub.
5th Ave
New York City, New York
Overheard by: EmLo
Secretary #1: I just read that thong panties are “bacteria highways” from back to front!
Secretary #2: I am highway-free, I think. Maybe some traffic jams, though.
Secretary #1: Huh?
Fairbanks, Alaska
Overheard by: OMG
Librarian #1: I don't want to call my mother. She's just going to tell me that I need to lose weight.
Librarian #2: You are fine. You do not need to lose weight. As long as you can still walk without a cane, you don't need to lose weight. That's what I tell my doctor when he tells me to lose weight.
Stillwater, Oklahoma
Assistant to boss: I need to leave early today for a dentist's appointment. Would that be okay?
Boss: Sure, is at 2:30?
Assistant: 2:30?? No, it's at 3.
Boss: Well, it should be at 2:30.
Assistant: Why?
Boss (chuckling): Because you're tooth hurty. Get it? Two thirty, tooth hurty.
Assistant: Are you kidding me?
Dallas, Texas
(fart noise, then microwave door closes and microwave starts, then a ding!)
Temp kid: Dude, what did he just microwave?
Northern Virginia
Overheard by: Mika
Editor: So my gynecologist's office just called to say that she retired–a week before my next appointment.
Writer: What? That's weird.
Editor: Yeah. Thanks so much.
Writer: Well, it's only your vagina. No big deal.
Editor: Yeah, nothing much ever happens there anyway.
Augusta, Georgia
Coworker #1: We have a woman janitor now. Things have been awkward to say the least.
Coworker #2: Well, you can't discriminate, though. Women janitors need to work too.
Coworker #1: Nothing like having her walk in on you while you are standing at the urinal…or taking a poop and hear somebody walk in and then walk out. And then when you exit the restroom, she is waiting outside the door with rubber gloves and a can of Lysol.
Fairmont, West Virginia
Office worker: Oh, finally! This piece of dead skin came off.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Heather
