Man: Do you have a restroom?
Woman: Yes, through that door. You should know the handle is broken.
Man: Does it accept?
Woman: Um, yeah…
Man: Good, as long as it accepts, that's all that matters. I've got quite the load, if you know what I mean.
Napa, California
Boss on phone: So take a Sudafed, wash it down with a glass of whiskey. You'll sleep for twelve hours. It says “don't take with alcohol,” which means you should definitely take it with alcohol.
Highland Park, Illinois
Overheard by: Office Peon
Attorney, about opposing counsel: He's a bit of a hybrid. Like half gonorrhea and half jock itch.
Huntington, New York
Overheard by: Lady Lawyer
Patient: Are there are any restrictions to take after having my injections?
Nurse: Do not eat beef.
Patient: What about eggs?
Nurse: Eggs are okay.
Patient: But eggs are from cows…
Beverly Hills, California
Boss on phone: I'll tell you what you can do. (pause) You can tell me how to spell “urinalysis.”
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: maggie
Intern: Are you still sick?
Female doctor with a deep chest cough: I just need to be pounded.
Manhattan, New York
Boss: I'm allergic to nuts.
Secretary: I can hold nuts but I just can't put them in my mouth.
Markham
Ontario
Canadia
Canadian: Are you using the same water bottle from two months ago?
Brit: Yeah, so?
Canadian: You know the particles break down and become carcinogens, right?
Brit: That's how I get strong.
Manhattan, New York
Social worker to intake nurse: The patient has a history of mental retardation.
Intake nurse: Has he always been retarded?
(long pause)
Social worker: I'm pretty sure it's not a result of his hospitalization!
Minnesota
Boss: So I have this client, and he's kind of slightly mentally retarded, and he's a huge Cubs fan…
Underling, not missing a beat: That's like saying “I need to go the to the ATM machine to get cash money so I can pay for my beef with au jus.”
Boss, blinking and frowning: I don't get it. And I'm a Cubs fan!
Wicker Park
Chicago, Illinois
