Gripes

I Banged Them Both, Though.

Admin: Do you know who dropped this off?
Manceptionist: No
Admin: Well, then do you know what they looked like?
Manceptionist: An old white lady with curly hair.
Admin: Are you sure she wasn’t a black man, because Allan* said it was a forty-year-old black guy.
Office manager: Not unless he rolled himself in baby powder before he came in here.
Manceptionist: No. The black guy dropped off a manilla envelope and the old lady dropped off that.
Admin: This is a manilla envelope.
Manceptionist: Oh, then yeah the black guy dropped it off.
Allan: Well the black guy was definitely more attractive.
Office manager: And now we know which way you swing.

3520 Lancaster Avenue
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

4PM Internal Memo

Coworker: Not only am I an asshole here, I’m an asshole at home, too!

1200 Sovereign Row
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Overheard by: shaun

12PM Lunch

Employee #1: What are we collecting for?
Employee #2: Shelly* crashed her car and we are helping her out.
Employee #1: What? Has she never heard of insurance? Uh uh, I ain’t putting in!

1046 George Town
Grand Cayman

Overheard by: not throwing in either

2PM Sexual Harassment

Secretary: So, the next time you shut the door to take one of your sex calls, I’m going to nail it closed!

311 Main Road
Point Mugu, California

Overheard by: mookie

3PM Benefits Summary

Female: My nipples are boring.
Male: Does our insurance cover that?

5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi

Overheard by: Brain Dancing

12PM Lunch

Lunchbreaker: Do you want half my cheeseburger?
Worker: No.
Lunchbreaker: Oh, d’oh. I forgot.
Worker: If I’m going to eat meat again, I wanna eat a slab of beef that is over thirty dollars. I want to make sure that when I’m in the bathroom with cramps, that it is worth it.

1 Easton Oval
Columbus, Ohio

9AM Back to Work

Employee #1: I was on time every day this week.
Employee #2: What? No way. You? Please, you’re always late.
Employee #1: No, seriously.
Employee #2: Dude, weren’t you late today? You’re always late on Fridays.
Employee #1: I got here at 8:35 but normally I show up at 9am, so I wasn’t late today.
Employee #2: 8:35 is late. Everyone else shows up at 8.
Employee #1: I have to take my daughter to school so that’s why I’m typically late…but um…her school’s out now for the summer so…yeah, I just forgot to set my alarm.

3320 West Cheryl Drive
Phoenix, Arizona

12PM Lunch

Coworker #1: If she had been paying attention, she would have caught that.
Coworker #2: Does she know to look for it?
Coworker #1: No, she doesn’t know enough to look for it. I’m not ready to show her that, yet.

150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut

10AM Ops Meeting

Operations manager: We have to work on communication. We are not communicating with each other. It’s a fault of everybody’s, not to say it’s a fault, but it is a weakness — not just of mine but of everyone’s. Maybe not a weakness so much as a failing.

1190 North Del Rio Place
Ontario, California

10AM Picking Up Printouts

Office manager: I finally got pants on my monkey. But his tail won’t go through the hole.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

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