Gripes

9AM Back to Work

Employee #1: I was on time every day this week.
Employee #2: What? No way. You? Please, you’re always late.
Employee #1: No, seriously.
Employee #2: Dude, weren’t you late today? You’re always late on Fridays.
Employee #1: I got here at 8:35 but normally I show up at 9am, so I wasn’t late today.
Employee #2: 8:35 is late. Everyone else shows up at 8.
Employee #1: I have to take my daughter to school so that’s why I’m typically late…but um…her school’s out now for the summer so…yeah, I just forgot to set my alarm.

3320 West Cheryl Drive
Phoenix, Arizona

12PM Lunch

Coworker #1: If she had been paying attention, she would have caught that.
Coworker #2: Does she know to look for it?
Coworker #1: No, she doesn’t know enough to look for it. I’m not ready to show her that, yet.

150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut

10AM Ops Meeting

Operations manager: We have to work on communication. We are not communicating with each other. It’s a fault of everybody’s, not to say it’s a fault, but it is a weakness — not just of mine but of everyone’s. Maybe not a weakness so much as a failing.

1190 North Del Rio Place
Ontario, California

10AM Picking Up Printouts

Office manager: I finally got pants on my monkey. But his tail won’t go through the hole.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

3PM Team-Building Activities

Paralegal: I hate looking at his face. Ruins my whole day.
Secretary: I know. I want to throw my shoe at him or something.
Paralegal: Ok, but can you make sure I’m there to see it?

overheard by: their boss

100 F Street
Washington, DC

10AM Call Center

CSR: Seriously, when you think you’ve gotten the weirdest call you could get…someone calls about a conch shell.

11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Lindroid

11AM Between Meetings

Suit #1: Whenever it rains, you come to work wearing plastic pants. Why do you get to wear plastic pants? My boss wouldn’t let me wear plastic pants.
“Suit” #2: If you could do what I can do, you could wear plastic pants, too.

4 Irving Place
New York, New York

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

11AM Personal Call

Coworker: Quit calling me at work, grandma!

1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: DB

4PM System Diagnostics

Coworker: Apparently somebody took the RAM out of my computer and replaced it with crap.

3 Infinite Loop
Cupertino, California

3PM Snack Run

Girl: I’m going to the store. Do you want anything?
Guy #1: Yeah, can you get me a Dr. Brown’s black cherry soda?
Girl: Ok.
Guy #1, holding out cash: Here.
Girl: What’s that?
Guy #2: It’s called money. What? It’s been so long since you seen it, you don’t recognize it! Damn, next time hand her some post-it notes and let her be on her merry way!

250 West 30th Street
New York, New York

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