Broker: I’m going to grab some lunch; if my wife calls, tell her I’m not going down tonight. She’ll just have to wait until tomorrow.
250 West Pratt Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Broker: I’m going to grab some lunch; if my wife calls, tell her I’m not going down tonight. She’ll just have to wait until tomorrow.
250 West Pratt Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Worker #1: Every time I kiss her, she tries to stick her tongue in my mouth.
Worker #2: What’s wrong with that?
Worker #1: I just don’t think it’s appropriate. She is married, after all.
Seattle, Washington
Delivery lady, on phone: Okay, what can I get for you?
Customer on the other end: I’d like a medium pepperoni pizza with no sauce and a cherry coke.
Lady, typing on a computer: Okay, a medium pizza with no sauce, just plain cheese, is that correct?
Customer: No. With pepperoni. And a cherry coke.
Lady: Pepperoni… [types again] I’m just pushing all the wrong buttons tonight.
Customer: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Lady: It’s one of those days where you just shouldn’t have woken up, you know?
Customer: Uh… yeah.
Lady: At least it’s almost over though, right?
Customer: …right….
Lady: So you said you wanted a medium pepperoni pizza, with no sauce, a side of ranch, and a cherry coke?
Customer: No side of ranch.
Lady: Awww, but ranch is good for you!
Customer: …no ranch, thank you.
Lady: Fine, goodnight. [hangs up phone]
Hanover, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Will
Dispatcher, deciding whether to continue an affair: I’m not very good at, like, breaking hearts, y’know?
Seattle, Washington
Co-worker: She said I was giving her an ulcer…But I don’t even have ulcers!
1127 Euclid Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio
Timid 20-year-old: Excuse me, ma’am…
Sassy 30-year-old: I know you didn’t just ‘Ma’am’ me!
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Office Assistant: If I go back to the phone without an answer this guy is going to eat me out.
Manager: I think you mean chew you out.
1125 Colonel Drive
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Overheard by: WOW @ CU
Banker: Yeah, he’s losin’ his eyesight…He can barely see now. He’s got that immaculate degeneration or whatever it’s called. But he still builds things with power tools. It’s pretty amazing…but kinda scary.
200 Nationwide Boulevard
Columbus, Ohio
Drone #1: This is one thing I didn’t miss last week.
Drone #2: What? Elevators?
Drone #1: Yeah.
Drone #3: Don’t they have them in West Virginia?
175 S. Third Street
Columbus, Ohio
VP: That would be an unintended put option…as in put us out of our misery.
910 Lousiana Street
Houston, Texas
