Data center drone: God! I hate sharing workstations with the night shift. Every day when I come in, my chair smells like ass and the desk smells like armpit. Doesn’t [Tim] ever take a bath?
730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas
Overheard by: El Gee
Co-worker #1: Have you seen [Amy]?
Secretary: Not in the past several minutes.
Co-worker #1: I hope she hurries up. I have to study for a test and my boss is breathing down my neck.
Co-worker #2: Hey! How are you?
Co-worker #1: I’d be better if [Amy] would hurry up and get here. I have a boss waiting on me and stuff I have to do.
Elevator dings. All look expectantly toward elevator, hoping to see [Amy]. Someone else comes out.
All in unison, disappointedly: Awww.
Paranoid co-worker #3: What? What did I do?
401 Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee
Secretary: Why are these reports formatted so weird?
Boss: Well, because the Germans made them. Those Germans are weird.
Secretary: Hey, now… Be careful, I’m German.
Boss: Uh oh, you’re not a lesbian too, are you?
Secretary: Well, I’m not really German.
Main Street Financial Office
East Hartford, Connecticut
Admin #1: Without extremes, normalcy wouldn’t exist.
Admin #2: Wow, we’re getting heavy now.
Admin #3: Back from tour one day, and you’re already waxing poetic?
Admin #1: Wait, isn’t that what fractals and Jurassic Park are about?
Admin #2 & 3: What?
Admin #1: Extremes, fractals and Jurassic Park. Wasn’t anyone a nerd like me?
Admin #2: Um, no.
3 Lafayette Avenue
Brooklyn, New York
Co-worker #1: I just can’t get enough sleep. My mom wakes me up yelling that I get too much sleep, then I drive to work and almost fall asleep!
Co-worker #2: Uh huh.
Co-worker #1: Doesn’t she understand I need my sleep? She’s driving me crazy.
Co-worker #3 [from down the hall]: Why don’t you go to bed earlier, when she puts your jammies out?
6200 Savoy Drive
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Frankendude
Attorney #1: I stepped on a baby bird this morning on the way into the courthouse.
Attorney #2: The jokes are right. We don’t have souls.
319 West Woodlawn Avenue
Louisville, Kentucky
Boss: I need to hire someone, but I need that person to be unexperienced, so that they don’t stupidly think they know what they are doing here before I train them.
Underling: Wait, then why did you hire me? I knew what I was doing when I started here.
Boss: You are the reason I now require people to be unexperienced. I couldn’t train the arrogance and stupidity out of you.
800 East, Utah State University
Logan, Utah
Overheard by: tm
Assistant #1: Did you get out for lunch today?
Assistant #2: I did! It was so nice out I didn’t want to come back.
Assistant #1: I think we should all get medals for making it back to work after lunch
Assistant #3: Or a straightjacket.
345 Park Avenue
New York, New York
Brit #1: What the fuck is her problem anyway?
Brit #2: She’s doing that thing.
Brit #1: What thing?
Brit #2: That Canadian thing where they pretend to be all nice because they’re from Canada when really, [putting on Canadian accent] they’re just, like, totally backstabbing dipshits, eh?’ I mean what kind of idiots would settle in a place where it hits minus 30, anyway?
V Parku
Prague, Czech Republic
Worker: I like my shirt, but I’m afraid my boobs are going to fall out. Which would be fine somewhere else, but not here. That’s how I feel about all my clothes: “great for not here.”
3900 West Alameda Avenue
Burbank, California
