Boss: I need to hire someone, but I need that person to be unexperienced, so that they don’t stupidly think they know what they are doing here before I train them.
Underling: Wait, then why did you hire me? I knew what I was doing when I started here.
Boss: You are the reason I now require people to be unexperienced. I couldn’t train the arrogance and stupidity out of you.
800 East, Utah State University
Logan, Utah
Overheard by: tm
Assistant #1: Did you get out for lunch today?
Assistant #2: I did! It was so nice out I didn’t want to come back.
Assistant #1: I think we should all get medals for making it back to work after lunch
Assistant #3: Or a straightjacket.
345 Park Avenue
New York, New York
Brit #1: What the fuck is her problem anyway?
Brit #2: She’s doing that thing.
Brit #1: What thing?
Brit #2: That Canadian thing where they pretend to be all nice because they’re from Canada when really, [putting on Canadian accent] they’re just, like, totally backstabbing dipshits, eh?’ I mean what kind of idiots would settle in a place where it hits minus 30, anyway?
V Parku
Prague, Czech Republic
Worker: I like my shirt, but I’m afraid my boobs are going to fall out. Which would be fine somewhere else, but not here. That’s how I feel about all my clothes: “great for not here.”
3900 West Alameda Avenue
Burbank, California
Employee #1: Kinda ridiculous that a George Foreman mini-grill is able to take down power for half of the floor.
Employee #2: Dude, you’re grilling in the office and you’re going to talk about what’s ridiculous?
1899 L Street NW
Washington, DC
Co-worker #1: How do people get mirrors to stay on the ceiling?
Co-worker #2: Not sure.
Co-worker #3: We used rubber cement. We put up a few four foot square mirrors, without frames.
Co-worker #1: Rubber cement? Did it hold good?
Co-worker #3: They’ve stayed up for four years, but my husband is too afraid to have sex without being covered with a blanket. He thinks they might fall and cut his dick off.
4150 Belden Village Street NW
North Canton, Ohio
Overheard by: Kyosho
Portfolio Manager: She’s pissed that I didn’t sell the stock before it
went down.
Trader: Don’t you know that you are supposed to know when that’s gonna
happen?
Portfolio Manager: I guess not…
1900 East Ninth Street
Cleveland, Ohio
Manager: We need to be ducked-rowed here as there will be a lot of scrutiny given we’ve had the opportunity to reoutlook the schedule twice now and yet the schedule continues to slip.
229 8th Street SW
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Manager: The organization just gets bloated. There are all these Vice Presidents, and each of them has 10 or 12 locations reporting to him. And they all need resources, so he puts his team together. Sometimes you just need an enema.
901 East Whitmore Avenue
Modesto, California
CSR on phone: Okay, I’m sending a trouble ticket up for investigation on that for you. Here’s the ticket number in case you want to call and yell at us.
4800 Concentric Boulevard
Saginaw, Michigan
