Geography & History

Yes, But Things Move Slower in the South

Shipping clerk: What time is it in Virginia? Are they ahead of us or behind us?
Shipping manager: They're to the right of us.
Shipping clerk: Huh?
Shipping manager: Virginia is on the East Coast. The same east that the sun rises on.
Shipping clerk (after some thought): Okay, so it's earlier there?
Shipping manager: No, it's later by one hour.
Shipping clerk (after a little more thought): How can it be later in Virginia if the sun is still rising there? It's been up here for a few hours now!

Des Moines, Iowa

Freedom Means We Can Use Any Colors We Want

Peon: What colors do we use for the Fourth of July?

Briarcrest & 29th
Bryan, Texas

And Couldn't They Come Up with a Better Title Than “Do the Reich Thing”?

Boss: Someone submitted an underage Nazi girls site to our search engine? Are you fucking kidding me? As a Jew and a pornographer, this offends me on so many levels.

Virginia Ave
Seattle, Washington

Makes Me Feel Like I'm Right There at the Battle of Sorbet

Office Einstein: I'm gonna go over to that new Trader Joe's and get me some a that I-talian ice cream cuz I like history.

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: steele skillz

No Complaint Was Ever Lodged by the Jamaican Nuns Who Received the Wrong Shipment, Though

Manager, in a panic: We sent a box of sex toys to the wrong customer!
Employee #1: Where did it go?
Manager: Jamaica.
Employee #1: Wasn’t it supposed to go to Barbados?
Manager: Yeah…
Employee #2: Not my fault! You can’t blame me!

Miami, Florida

…Using a Sock Puppet

UPS guy: I can only speak for the Portuguese consulate…

Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts

Mexico: Hey, We Warned You!

CSR, on speakerphone: And where would you like this order shipped?
Secretary: 123 Main St.*, Los Alamos, New Mexico.
CSR : We don’t ship out of the country.
Secretary: That’s fine, but this address is in the country.
CSR : No, you said to ship it to New Mexico.
Secretary: Yes, New Mexico is a state in the US.
CSR : Sorry, but we can’t ship out of the US.
Secretary: Do you have a supervisor I can talk to, please?
[Long pause.]CSR supervisor: This is Tim. Can I help you?
Secretary: I hope so, Tim. Your employee doesn’t seem to understand that New Mexico is a state in the United States, and so refuses to ship me your product.
Supervisor: Well, that’s true. We can’t ship out of the country. I’m sorry ma’am.
Secretary, raising her voice a little: Have you never even heard of the state of New Mexico? It’s one of the big, square ones? It’s right between Texas and Arizona? It’s one of the 50 United States?
Supervisor: I’m sorry, it’s just our policy not to ship out of the US.
Secretary: Tim, let me get this straight. Your company is going to lose a $14,000 order because the people in your customer service department are too moronic to know or comprehend that the state of New Mexico is a part of the United States?
Supervisor: Yes, ma’am. That’s our policy.
Secretary, completely exasperated: Well, I guess there’s nothing more to be said, is there?
Supervisor: No, ma’am. Have a nice day.

Los Alamos, New Mexico

Overheard by: New Mexican

They Don’t Even Know It’s Spelled ‘Canadia’

IT guy with thick Middle Eastern accent: No Phil*, they are Canadian, they don’t know what they are talking about anyway.

Sprint Headquarters
Overland Park, Kansas

They Seem to Think They Come from Different ‘Countries’

Office vet #1: Lisa* was showing me how to use chopsticks at lunch today, you know, cause she’s Asian.
Office vet #2: Lisa*?
Office vet #1: You know, the girl we work with in third party…I don’t know what kind of Asian she is, apparently there’s different kinds, you know…

St. Paul Plaza
Baltimore, Maryland

And Once You’re There, You’re Not Here at All

Female co-worker, just returned from holiday: Oh, Shanghai was wonderful, but I was amazed at how Chinese it was.

Canberra
Australia

Overheard by: What? China’s Western isn’t it?

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