Boss: Call England and find out what time it is.
Assistant: Call who in England? England is 5 hours ahead of us, so it’s 4:17 there.
Boss: Can you please listen to what I have to say and just call England? I need to be sure.
Assistant, two minutes later: I called England, and it’s 4:19.
Boss: See, it pays to double check. You were 2 minutes off.
1345 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York
Executive assistant: Ooohh! Are you speaking Spanish or Mexican?
Hull, Quebec
Teen #1: How far do you think this sweat drop will fly if I smack it with a hammer?
Teen #2: Hey, yeah, like CSI! Your forehead is real sweaty; smack it first.
Habitat for Humanity build site
Mississippi Gulf Coast
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Receptionist: Hello, Ruddman* Media International…Excuse me? A heat index? I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about…Ruddman Media International…No, no this is not the weather channel.
3 Park Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Why do I work here?
Co-Worker #1: Are you going to the training class later today?
Co-Worker #2: No, I don’t have to. I was grandfather clocked into the old training.
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Manager: What was the soup de jour of the day today?
Sterling Forest Road
Sterling Forest, New York
Overheard by: Mark D.
Shopper #1: Like, look at this credit card. The numbers are raised. I wonder why they do that.
Shopper #2: It’s like Braille or something. They do it so blind people can read the numbers.
Oviedo Marketplace Mall
Oviedo, Florida
Irate tenant on voicemail: I came home today, and someone was in my apartment…vacuuming…I feel so violated.
3520 Lancaster Avenue
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Female co-worker: He gets all the good assignments! I had to spell. He gets to shoot people!
9th Street
Sheldon, Iowa
Intern #1: So is there a difference between homogenous and homogeneous?
Intern #2: Yes, one means “composed of one thing,” and the other is, like, a gay Einstein or something.
Rayburn House Building
Washington, DC
Overheard by: the Best and the Brightest
