Trainee accountant #1, looking at payslip: Look, I pay more tax each month!
Trainee accountant #2: Where does it say that?
Trainee accountant #1: Here, look.
Trainee accountant #2: That is the cumulative total.
Trainee accountant #1: What does “cumulative” mean?
London
England
Account manger to designer: Can you sex up those check marks for me?
Washington, DC
Woman in line: I want to go somewhere foreign this summer. How about Guam?
Cashier: Actually, Guam is part of the United States.
Woman in line: Ugh, these things change so often. We must have gotten it, like, a year ago, right?
Cashier: Actually, we've owned Guam since the 1800s. It sends a non-voting member to Congress, but they have no elector, so they don't matter for presidential elections.
Woman in line: Oh, thank god.
Rite Aid
Doylestown, Pennsylvania
Cashier, ringing up books: Okay, ma'am, and would you like to donate a book to a foster child tonight?
Customer: No, it's okay, I'm already doing a foster child.
(cashier stares in shock)
Customer: Oh, wait. I meant to say I'm mentoring a foster child.
Barnes & Noble
Seattle, Washington
Accounting guy: I dealt with it when he ran his hand down my leg and up my thigh. But I had to call it quits when he tweaked my nipple. That was a little much.
Santa Monica, California
CFO: So, who should we screw today?
Novi, Michigan
Accounting girl: I'm so mad I have Facebook rage!
Aliso Viejo, California
Cashier: Hello, sir. What would you like?
Customer: What would I like? Hm…let me look inside myself and see what I desire.
Portland, Maine
CFO: What are they going to use video equipment for?
Budget services director: Making porn.
River Forest, Illinois
Trader #1: I'm down.
Partner: I wish I were down as much as I'm down.
Trader #2: Doesn't he mean he wishes he were down as much as you are down?
Trader #1: It's okay, my dad messes up all the time too. I just translate in my head.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: dp
