Nice to See You Approach It with the Same Dedication You Do Your Work.

Assistant: I need to lose ten pounds.
Employee: Do you exercise?
Assistant: I'll do anything to lose weight, except exercise and diet.

Santa Monica, California

Posted on April 4, 2011
California and Northwest, Diet & Weight, Employees, Philosophy, Physical Appearance, Questions

Your Editors Hate Being Accurately Summed Up

Serious colleague, on less-serious colleague: It was his history of being a jerk that made me unable to determine whether he was sincere.

Nashville, Tennessee

Posted on April 4, 2011
Employees, Feelings, Gossip, Insults, Tennessee

So It's Back to the Married Men for Me

Loud office girl: Actually, I had a dream that I was on The Bachelor last night. And it was down to the end, and he was, like, going to pick me… But in my dream, he was like going to pick me, but he didn't.

Manhattan, New York

Posted on April 1, 2011
Employees, New York, Relationships, TV, Wishes

…Little Miss “I De-Wax My Ears at My Desk”

Office drone, after colleague reacts in disgust to his loud burping: Don't be a hater.

Louisville, Kentucky

Posted on April 1, 2011
Advice, Employees, Health & Hygiene, Kentucky, Philosophy

Personally, I Support Abortion Until the 18-Year Mark.

Confused cube dweller: Is a baby a person?

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: confused but amused

Posted on March 25, 2011
Australia, Employees, Questions, Science, Weirdness

…Aieeee!

Woman in basement yelling up the stairs: I need to open this box. Can someone please throw me something sharp?

Madison, Wisconsin

Posted on March 23, 2011
Employees, Offers and requests, Violence, Weirdness, Wisconsin

Nah, Managers Aren't Very Artistic.

Manager: Who did the paintings on the windows?
Cashier: Oh, Mary* and Yvette* did them last night.
Manager: I thought the retards were coming in to do them.

Ontario
Canadia

Posted on March 16, 2011
Admins, Arts, Canadia, Employees, Questions, Weirdness

And It's Mr. Krabs

Peon #1, about SpongeBob: No, the lobster's name is Larry.
Peon #2: I thought the lobster's name was Mr Crabby?
Peon #1: That would be the crab.
Peon #2: Ohhhh, I right, I can see that.

Northridge, California

Posted on February 25, 2011
Animals, California, Employees, General Idiocy, Names, Questions, TV

Which Explains Why I Choose to Work with a Bunch Of Dicks.

Host #1: Can I have a piece of your gum?
Host #2: Sure.
Host #1: Thanks. Why do you always chew gum?
Host #2: I know this sounds weird, but I always feel like I need to have something in my mouth.

Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: Speechless Server

Posted on February 24, 2011
Employees, Meals and Snacks, Nebraska, Offers and requests, Questions, Sensory Experiences

I'm Unclear on the Whole Concept Of Refusal

White guy: I cried when the Giants won.
Older Chinese lady: I thought you'd only cry when your girlfriend refuses you.

San Francisco, California

Posted on February 23, 2011
California, Employees, Feelings, Relationships, Sports

Employees