Woman from records office: Today it's so nice outside! I wish I were a squirrel!
Loyola University
Maryland
Overheard by: Dean's Assistant
Cube #1: Uh, what's shingles?
Cube #2: It's like chicken pox.
Cube #3: Thank god I got chicken pox as a kid! I don't want no shingles!
Washington, DC
Store clerk: Hey, that guy you put on line one, was his name Smith*?
CSR #1: Yeah, it was, how'd you know?
Store clerk: Because he's got that “fuck you for helping me” tone of voice.
CSR #2: Who is he?
Store clerk: My mortal enemy.
CSR #1: Well, fuck you very much!
Newton, Massachusetts
Cheese-smelling proletariat: I have a big appetite for a little person. I mean, I can put it away! I am a small person, though I don't look too small lately.
State Agency
Austin, Texas
Tan, middle-aged man with a mullet, pointing at printer: When Jackie rubs it, it goes quick!
Maryland
Overheard by: Who is Jackie & why is she rubbing printers?
Peon: I think I'm going Indian for lunch.
Manhattan, New York
Peon #1: I'm gonna eat lunch while I work.
Peon #2: I thought it was whistle while you work?
Peon #1: I can do both at the same time.
Peon #2: Really? At the same time? I'd like to see that!
Peon #1: Well first I would swallow, then I'd blow!
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania
Office drone: I love that little guy on Charlie Brown. (pause) What's his name… dirt bag?
Intern: No, dumb ass… It's Pig-pen!
Mt. Sterling, Kentucky
Office girl #1: I hear some women have an orgasm when going through childbirth.
Office girl #2: Not unless you've got a finger in my butthole.
West Lafayette, Indiana
Guy #1: You have to try this.
Guy #2: No, that's okay.
Guy #1: Seriously, you have to.
Guy #2: I'm not putting your nuts in my mouth.
Guy #1: (walks away)
Fort Wayne, Indiana
