Dorks, Geeks, & Nerds

Comp tech: If I had a million dollars I’d invent popcorn that pops every kernel.

Broadway
New York City, New York

Overheard by: TerryFTW

Coworker #1: We should start a D&D game.
Coworker #2: Yeah. Let’s ask Ben* if he wants to play, too!
Coworker #1, yelling to Ben: Hey, want to play D&D later?
Ben, yelling back: No! I don’t play D&D!
Coworker #2: We thought you’d be a good Druid.
Ben, yelling back: Fuck that, I’m a thief acrobat!

Oshkosh, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Will

Petite art librarian: Penis it is! That's what it is, that's what we're supposed to use, according to the library of congress.

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Assistant: I'm going to Starbucks; can I get you anything?
IT tech: What's Starbucks?

Lawrence, Kansas

Overheard by: a girl who HASN'T been living under a rock

Specialist: So we can do more width, or more length. Which do you want?
Analyst: Let's go with more length.

South Burlington, Vermont

Overheard by: Megan

Male coworker: But Anne Heche is oddly hot, and she’d be okay with another woman in the bedroom. Plus, she’s insane, which makes her fun.
Female coworker: Well, guess if you’re fantasizing about someone bi and crazy she could be interesting…
Male coworker: See? See? I think she might actually be an alien. That’d be even better! Aliens are sexy.
Female coworker: No, no, now you’re just getting weird and nerdy. Aliens are not sexy.
Male coworker: I always imagined the female alien from Cocoon to be really sexy. She had a great body when the skin was on her, but there was something scary and yet awesome about the glowing part. I’d want her to keep her human skin on, but I imagine sex with her to be like nothing else you’ve ever imagined. And I imagine her kisses to taste like candy and electricity, like pop rocks or something.
Female coworker: Okay, now you’ve let me know too much information, and you’re still getting all nerdy.
Male coworker: Okay, you’re right. This is starting to sound weird.

Elmsford, New York

Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief

Geek chick #1: Hey, you want to go to a Courvoisier tasting?
Geek chick #2: Sure, right now?
Geek chick #1: Right now and right here! (produces a bottle)
Geek chick #2: Oh. What is it, some kind of fancy liqueur?
Geek chick #1: I don't know! Busta Rhymes sang about it.
Geek chick #3: It smells like a hangover.
Geek chick #1: It smells like a horrible career! It smells like MTV in the 90s!
Geek chick #2: It's slightly numbing.
Geek chick #1: It's not as bad as I thought it would be.
Geek chick #3: Bottoms up! Whoooo!

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Historian: Why are we in academia?
Bio-chemist: Because we weren't good enough to join the circus.

Oxford
England

Good looking male computer geek: Her nick is “slutpants.” That sounds… promising.
African American geek: Girl, don't even act like you don't have a pair of slut pants.
Ginger geek: I'm so slutty I don't wear pants!
African American geek: You're gonna get gonorrhea.
Ginger geek: I'd rather get syph. It's the romantic STD.
Good looking male computer geek: Well, too bad you're going to get gonorrhea!

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Geek #1: It's really hard to find an adult Girl Scout costume.
Geek #2: I wonder why, I'm sure there are fat Girl Scouts. (pause) I'm not saying you're fat! I'm just saying you're old.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Had to run from the room.