Executive VP: We have to eat our own children before someone else does.
Quarterly review conference call
Virginia
Overheard by: He who has given up eating human flesh, mostly
Executive VP: We have to eat our own children before someone else does.
Quarterly review conference call
Virginia
Overheard by: He who has given up eating human flesh, mostly
Nurse: We need you to be here for the duration of your brother’s procedure. He should be done in 15 minutes or so.
20-something mechanic: Do I need to be here? [Points at floor.] Or here? [Points at room.] Because that is one flashlight I don’t wanna hold!
Proctologist’s office
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: but he’s taken a shine to you!
Manager: If man were meant to wear pants, then dogs would wear pants, too.
Kane Hall, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Manager to secretary: Excuse me, could you please put this in the fridge? I pity the person that tries to drink that… It looks exactly like apple juice, doesn’t it? But it’s really a urine sample I need to take to the doctor’s this afternoon…
Project Drive
Tempe, Arizona
Man, to copier: There is paper in there! Stop being stupid! No, I will not add paper to tray four, I can tell you that right now. I will shoot someone before I add paper to tray four.
Berry College
Rome, Georgia
Coworker #1: Yo! Can you send me that link again?
Coworker #2: Which one?
Coworker #1: You know, that one you sent me. With the article about the guy from My Chemical Romance.
Coworker #2: You mean Wikipedia?
Coworker #1: Yeah. I wonder what else is on there.
Internet service provider, 110 Symonds Street
Auckland
New Zealand
Male officer: I’ve hit women before.
Female coworker: I bet you have.
Male officer: Prisoners. Like this one who tried to scratch me. I told her, ‘You’re not a cat, and I’m not a post. Now I’m gonna have to change your future.’
Newark, Delaware
30-ish dude: We’re not calling it ‘no support.’ We’re calling it ‘free reign.’
Elevator, Peachtree Road
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Christin
Office guy #1: Apparently we can’t have mechanical pencils anymore.
Office guy #2: Dammit! That supply czar is drunk with power.
1255 23rd Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Kristen
White coworker, with food in mouth: Are you going upstairs?
Black coworker: I’m sorry, what? I don’t speak cracker. [White coworker gasps.] I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant you had a cracker in your mouth!
White coworker: Sure you did!
D Street SW
Washington, DC
