…As Long As It Doesn't Involve Opening the Trunk Of My Car.

Client: May I speak with Elizabeth?
Distracted receptionist: I'm sorry…she's no longer with us…but…not dead. Is there something I can help you with?

Ad Agency
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Rest in Peace…

Posted on April 21, 2009
Customers, Death, New York, Offers and requests, Receptionists

Mr. Cheney Really Should Give Up Hunting

Employee answering phone: Thank you for calling… (gets squirted with silly string) Aahh!
Customer: What?
Employee: I'm sorry, I just got shot in the face with something.

Scotts Valley, California

Overheard by: Mari

Posted on April 10, 2009
Accidents, Body Parts, California, Customers, Employees, On the phone, Sexuality

…Give or Take About Six Weeks.

Business user: So you're telling me that it will take six weeks to roll out this new bit of code to the stores?
Project manager: Yes.
Business user: This is ridiculous. Why can't we just have a set of rules that tells the systems what we want to do instead of inserting all this coding crap?
Project manager: Well, yes, we could do that.
Business user: Perfect! How long will it take to do that?
Project manager: About six weeks.

Wilkesboro, North Carolina

Overheard by: Firebabe

Posted on March 20, 2009
Bosses, Customers, North Carolina, Questions, Technology, Time Management

A GM Mechanic Never Kids, Sir

Young mechanic: Does the car overheat when it's not running?
Customer: Are you serious?

Auto Dealership
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Posted on March 13, 2009
Blue Collar, Customers, General Idiocy, Pennsylvania, Questions

…Into a Lime-Green Masterpiece

Employee helping customer with curtains: Now I'm slightly tacky, but I think you could work these…

Bed Bath & Beyond
San Francisco, California

Posted on March 2, 2009
Advice, California, Customers, Employees, Weirdness

Chorus in Background: “Amo, Amas, Amat…”

Scattered manager to client on speakerphone: Hi Bill, this is Carol. I have Jen and Beth here. We're all conjugating at Jen's desk.

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: The Notorious B

Posted on February 17, 2009
Bosses, Customers, Sexuality, Texas, Words

It's Difficult to Make Ashes Look Alive, Ma'am

Family: Well, let me ask you this, I mean, she won't look dead, right? I've seen some bodies that look like they are dead and I think that is awful, how do you make the deceased not look “that” way?
Director: Uuuhhmmmmm, well, uhhh, huh?

Funeral Home
Detroit, Michigan

Posted on February 10, 2009
Customers, Death, Employees, Family, Family members, Michigan, Physical Appearance, Questions

Micromanagement: The Three Little Pigs' Fatal Flaw

Coworker on telephone with client: No…I really don't know what kind of padlock to buy for a tent. (tries hard not to laugh)

North Liberty, Iowa

Overheard by: Krystal

Posted on January 26, 2009
Coworkers, Customers, General Idiocy, Holidays, Iowa, On the phone

And Carrier Pigeons Are Notoriously Unreliable

Customer service rep to customer: No, sir, you cannot fax a payment.

Southington, Connecticut

Posted on January 20, 2009
Connecticut, Customer Service, Customers, General Idiocy, Money

Gotta Love the Chain of Command

Customer (on speaker): But it's too expensive, it isn't fair! I can't afford it. Can't I just pay you half?
Insurance rep: No, the premium for your vehicle is $435.60. You have to pay the full amount.
Customer: Can you find a way so I can just pay $200? That's all I can afford!
Insurance rep: No. You can't just pay any amount you want. You need to pay what you owe.
(this goes on for 10 minutes)
Insurance rep: Well, fine, if you can't afford to pay the insurance for your car maybe you should sell it and take the damn bus.
Customer: What? What did you just say to me?
Insurance rep: I'll transfer you to my manager.

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Posted on December 12, 2008
Customers, Employees, Insults, Minnesota, Money, Offers and requests

Customers