Mortgage Specialist: I have to say this loan is for you. In fact, if you were to reject the loan I would frankly have to drive down to
your house and shoot your porch light out.
Borrower: Well we can’t have that now, can we?
440 W 200 S
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: AK 47
CSR on phone with customer: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't cover vehicles outside the United States.
(five minutes later)
CSR to coworker: I think I told the customer the wrong thing. Is Hawaii part of the United States?
Southington, Connecticut
Waitress #1, to customer: I've tried that before, except I don't really like runny eggs, so I usually don't get it. It's good, though. Poached eggs look too much like an abortion. (pauses) I probably shouldn't have said that…
Waitress #2, overhearing: Wait, what looks like an abortion?
Waitress #1: Poached eggs.
Waitress #2: Oh. (pause) Yeah, they do.
Café
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I wouldn't know. I've never had one.
Coworker: Why did you move to Atlanta?
Customer: Just looking for greener pastures.
Coworker: Oh, are you in livestock?
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: plz shoot me now
Coworker on phone with client: Sorry for the delay, I just got a new laptop and I'm still working out all the kinks… And it is really kinky!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Perky blonde stylist, describing product to client: It's like a liquid form of moisture…
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: irresolute.tumblr
Salesperson, leaving voicemail for customer: Hey there, it's me! Guess you're out killing Bambi–call me back when you get back in town!
Austin, Texas
Buyer: Let me give you my e-mail address and you can forward me the information.
Vendor: Okay, give it to me.
Buyer: B-h-a-l-p-I-n…
Vendor: Okay, I'ma send that to you.
Buyer: Um, sir, I need to give you the rest of my e-mail address.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Bonnie
Coworker on phone with customer: No. We do not accept payments via fax. No, I'm sorry, you cannot fax your money to us. (pause) Ma'am, you can mail your check or money order to us, we can take check or CC over the phone, but we do not accept cash via fax.
Southington, Connecticut
