You Too, Mrs. Parks

Bus driver, over intercom, on a crowded bus about to let on more passengers: All standees please drop your backpacks to your feet and move to the back of the bus.
(no one moves)
Bus driver: This is the voice of God. Thou shalt drop your bags to your feet and move to the back of the bus.

Davis, California

Overheard by: Natalie T.

Posted on October 16, 2015
California, Customers, Employees, Offers and requests, Religion, Weirdness

You Can't Do That!

Customer on phone, about catalog CD: I will just shove it in real fast.

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: That's What She Said

Posted on October 13, 2015
Customers, General Idiocy, Maryland, On the phone, Sexuality

Why the President Stopped Conducting His Own Transactions

Customer: I need to send an international wire transfer for 1,000 euros please.
Teller: Okay, let me check…yeah, we can do that. How much is that in money?
Customer: Excuse me?
Teller: How much is that in money?
Customer: Do you mean how much is it in US dollars?
Teller: Yeah, how much is it in money?

Nashville, Tennessee

Overheard by: Currency Expert

Posted on August 26, 2015
Customers, Financial Folk, General Idiocy, Money, Offers and requests, Tennessee, Words

What Exactly Constitutes “Smearing”?

Associate to customer on phone about beef recall: We are only recalling meat with the dates April 28th through June 6th on it.
Customer: Well, mine is dated June 23rd. Can I eat it?
Associate: Yes, ma'am. That's not in our recall dates.
Customer: Are you sure it's safe?
Associate: Yes ma'am. That meat wasn't part of the recall.
Customer: What were the dates again?
Associate: April 28th to June 6th.
Customer: So, I won't die?
Associate: Ma'am, unless you plan on smearing it on a pig and eating it raw, you are going to be fine.

Yarmouth, Maine

Posted on August 14, 2015
Animals, Customers, Death, Employees, Health & Hygiene, Maine, Meals and Snacks, On the phone, Questions, Time Management

And They Remind Me Too Much of My Baby-Carrot Member

Man, referring to golf pencils provided: Can I borrow something to write with? I can't use those small pencils. I'm a VIP!

Virginia Beach, Virginia

Posted on August 8, 2015
Customers, General Idiocy, Offers and requests, Virginia

Didn’t I Tell You? I’m Guilty.

Defense attorney: I’m going back to the office. God, I hate days like this. Losing blows.
Defendant: Hey, sorry, man. But, really, you didn’t have a chance.

300 East Bay Street
Jacksonville, Florida

Overheard by: Jess

Posted on August 7, 2015
Crimes, Customers, Florida, Gripes, Lawyers, Legal

Or Until You Die of a Staph Infection, Whichever Happens First

Disheveled cashier to customer buying towels: So I said to my daughter, “No, you can't have another towel. When you come out of the shower you are clean, so you can just keep using that same towel until next month.”

Wal-Mart
Rockford, Illinois

Overheard by: Lindsey B

Posted on August 4, 2015
Customers, Employees, Family, Health & Hygiene, Illinois, Weirdness

… While Janelle Gets a Towel for Her Chair

Trainer: Let’s go around and have each of us tell the class some juicy, private thing about ourselves that the rest of us might not know.
Trainee: I don’t want to tell anything about my juicy privates… Uh, juicy… Um… Anything private.
Trainer: … Okay… Next?

810 3rd Avenue
Seattle, Washington