Coworkers

9AM Work Stinks

I was sitting at the reception desk in my office and the main door leading to the hallway and elevators was propped open. I could not see into the hallway, but I could hear a man and a woman talking as they waited for the elevator. Eventually the elevator door opened and one of them got on. As soon as the door closed the other person not only let out a huge sigh of relief but also the biggest fart I have ever heard. I thought I was going to die I laughed so hard.

400 Park Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: Melissa Berry

Was It Better When People Didn't Discuss Their Vaginas at Work? Discuss.

Super pregnant co-worker to new hire: Oh my god, it's like I can feel his face pushing up against my vagina whenever I walk!
(new hire stares in stunned silence)
Super pregnant co-worker, attempting to backpedal: Well, I mean, not all the time. But if I walk really fast then I get worried it'll mess up his face! Like, “woah, dude, what happened to your nose?” “My mom had a really heavy gait when I was in utero, man.”

New Jersey

Overheard by: So, what does it feel like when you sit?

Buying That Defibrillator Really Paid Off, Huh?

Black lady: So, you dating again?
Chinese lady: No, why would I be dating?
Black lady: I thought your husband was dead!
Chinese lady: No, he’s not dead.
Black lady: Well, good for you.

450 N Street
Sacramento, California

I Just Sell the Books, Ma'am

Female coworker on phone: Is that 'k' as in 'cat'?

Independence, Missouri

You Guys from Nantucket Are So Sensitive

Cube rat #1: Dude, I’m going to send you a poem.
Cube rat #2: Okay.
Cube rat #1: Don’t get offended, okay?
Cube rat #2: Okay.
Cube rat #1: Dude, promise me you won’t get offended.

4949 Westown Parkway
Des Moines, Iowa

Maybe It’s Time to Stop Wearing Bibs at Lunch

Young-looking coworker after taking polygraph: They tried to get me to admit I was into kiddie porn.
Coworker yet to take polygraph: Dude, you look like you could still be in kiddie porn.

ASQ2
Linthicum, Maryland

How You Know Your Coworker’s a Virgin

Younger guy peon: You know, I’ve never had any experience with ladies from the Pacific Rim.
Older guy peon: Really? Well, lemme tell you something. Their hair down there is dark, straight, and soft.
Younger guy peon, thoughtfully: … Like a puppy dog’s ears?

Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Beef and Ale

Which I Should Not Have Done at Milking Time

Guy in next cube: I told her that if she came at me like that again, I'd cut her tits off… Yeah, I seriously told her that…well, I was drinking heavily.

Warren, Michigan

Overheard by: Scared for my tits

…Which Will Only Cause More Problems.

Office man: Obama even went down there to convince them that Chicago was the place for the 2016 Olympics.
Office lady: The International Olympic Committee just blasted their load in Obama's face, and I love it!

Baltimore, Maryland

10AM Catch Up!

Office worker #1: My goodness, I have so much work that even if I stayed at work 24 hours it still wouldn’t even put a dent in my workload.
Office worker #2: Wow, you have that much work?
Office worker #1: No…it’s just that I’m always too busy farting around to get any work done.

475 Anton Boulevard
Costa Mesa, California

Overheard by: Remy Rawrs

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