Coworker #1: When I was at the hospital, they had this harp player that went around the hospital and played.
Coworker #2: Uh, are you sure they had a harp player? You may have just been on the brink of death, you know.
Dacula, Georgia
Coworker #1: When I was at the hospital, they had this harp player that went around the hospital and played.
Coworker #2: Uh, are you sure they had a harp player? You may have just been on the brink of death, you know.
Dacula, Georgia
Secretary: Bye, guys. See you tomorrow.
Worker #1: Who the fuck was that?
Worker #2: The new sales secretary; she took [Carrie]’s place.
Worker #1: Who the fuck is [Carrie]?
Worker #2: She took over for [Gretchen].
Worker #1: Oh, hell. I don’t care about chicks’ names. I only care if I’m sleeping with them. And then sometimes I have to get up and check their purse for ID.
1313 North Industrial Boulevard
Dallas, Texas
Coworker #1: It smells like old people in here.
Coworker #2: What do old people smell like?
Coworker #3: Death and feces.
San Rafael, California
Woman #1: Is Aaron* coming to your house during the holiday?
Woman #2: No, he’s going to Connecticut to spend the money his mother stole from his father.
Woman #1: Well, that’s not all bad.
Clothing store
Woodcliff Lake, New Jersey
Overheard by: Cashier
Desktop chick: It’s colder now because the sun isn’t blowing.
2 Rector Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: Larry Flores
Worship leader: So, we’re gonna drop the last verse of ‘Awesome God.’ I think it sounds better that way.
Pastor: Okay, anything else?
Young worship musician: Well, I gotta blow outta here pretty soon.
Pastor: So, let me get this straight — he’s dropping and you’re blowing?
Charlotte, North Carolina
Guy #1: Why did you only wash one hand?
Guy #2: I only peed on one hand.
Guy #1: You’re an idiot.
737 S. 3rd Street
Louisville, Kentucky
Newbie: I need to use the restroom.
Waiter: If you need to shit you’d better get here before the Mexicans get in the employee bathroom. I don’t know what the fuck they eat, but their shit smells like it has sugar on it.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Coworker on phone: But he always says, ‘I can’t dance, I can’t dance…’ No, it’s because his breasts jiggle around when he swings his hips, and he’s so insecure about his breasts. That’s why he can’t meet any girls — his breasts move whenever he dances.
Austin, Texas
