Social worker: So I gave the kid my copy of the DSM so he could diagnose his dog, and when he brought the book back he asked me for some porn. I thought the book was a good starting point so he could help his dog, but I don’t know about the porn. He is only 17.
260 South Broad Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: lora
Man #1: I’m redecorating my cube with black velvet paintings.
Man #2: I’ve got a black velvet prom dress…
333 Corporate Woods Parkway
Vernon Hills, Illinois
Agitated coworker with rage issues: Please don't mount my cube!
Old Port
Porland, Maine
Peon #1: No, that’s not what she had. This is the woman with the original penis.
Peon #2, after long pause: What’s that?
Peon #1: The original penis. She had the first one.
Peon #2: … Oh.
Scottsdale, Arizona
Cube dweller: Just don’t go around wearing green tights and you’re good.
Addison, Texas
Branch manager on phone: Hello? Ok, put him through. Hey, Matt*! Hold on, let me shut my office door… Yeah… Yeah… I do love my wife…
Cubicle chick: Did he just say what I think he said? ‘I do love my wife’?
Sales guy: Yes, but I think you missed a part. He said ‘I do love my wife, but…’
Cubicle chick: It’s gonna be a goood day!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Title clerk #1: Are those Doritos spicy?
Title clerk #2: Oh, they're only spicy when you eat them.
New Philadelphia, Ohio
Overheard by: ORLY?
Man at urinal #1: I hate it when we have visitors and have to wear ties.
Man at urinal #2: Oh shit! I think I just pissed on mine.
Chicago, Illinois
Woman: So if you’ve never done it before, it’s going to hurt the first time and maybe even bleed a bit.
Man: Uh huh.
Woman: So don’t be afraid. You should try it. It’s definitely worth it.
Other people in elevator shuffle uncomfortably.
Woman: Um…So flossing is crucial to good dental hygiene.
Elevator
Houston, Texas
Coworker #1: You know, shoot them with shotguns, like with tranquilizers.
Coworker #2: Bang! Bang! (makes shotgun motions)
Coworker #3: That's how the doctor put in my IUD.
Omaha, Nebraska
