Dog owner: I used to have a Rottweiler too, but he died. They don't have very long lifespans.
Coworker: That's because they are fueled by liquid hate and the fingers of small children.
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Dog owner: I used to have a Rottweiler too, but he died. They don't have very long lifespans.
Coworker: That's because they are fueled by liquid hate and the fingers of small children.
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Supervisor: I'll just call you Phil.
Temp called Tom*: Please don't.
Supervisor: Fine, how about I call you Lewis?
Maylands Avenue
Hertfordshire
England
Coworker #1, after mayoral election: So, did you vote yesterday?
Coworker #2: For what, American Idol?
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Voter
On duty drone: Where’s your other thingamijig?
Off duty drone: My wife?
Gananoque
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Ronald Quailfeather
Rep: The King of Nepal has declared martial law and has cut off all
communication, so I cannot check the status of that rug order…
41 East 57th Street
New York, NY
Middle-aged suit #1: Rob always wears the same suit every day, no matter what.
Middle-aged suit #2: Skank.
Avenue of the Americas
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Has lower standards
Coworker, about military uniforms: When you look at young sailors, you can tell the ones who polish and the ones who don't.
Madison, Wisconsin
Co-worker: Oh crap. We’re having a fire drill today? That fucking sucks. It’s too fucking cold for that shit.
Drill Captain: Yes, I know…but they are important. We need to do them at least twice a year.
Co-worker: How the fuck are they important? Did you miss fire safety week in the first grade? You don’t know what to do if there is a fire? Well, here you go: take the stairs down to the lobby and go outside away from the fire. Shit, you probably still get into strangers’ cars if they offer you candy.
3350 Riverwood Parkway
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: nicolette
IT guy: This is brand new. It's pre-owned.
Coworker: So is it brand new? Or pre-owned?
IT guy: It's brand new pre-owned.
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Overheard by: God help us.
Female co-worker #1: You do have gonads.
Female co-worker #2: I do?
1800 M Street NW
Washington, DC
