The Voices Tell Me to Spike Your Coffee with Drano

Worker #1 (singing): Invoices are making me want to kill myself!
Worker #2: The voices make you want to kill yourself?
Worker #1: No! *In*voices!
Worker #2: Phew!

Century City, California

Posted on March 11, 2017
California, Coworkers, Crimes, Death, Questions, Words

I’ll Be Going Postal, So Bring a Tourniquet

Receptionist #1: Is tomorrow your last day?
Receptionist #2: Yes.
Receptionist #1: Good.

Park Place
Cardiff University, United Kingdom

Overheard by: stranded_in_UK

Posted on March 5, 2017
Coworkers, Education, Hiring & Firing, Insults, Office Politics, Questions, Receptionists, Wales

5PM That’s a Wrap

Accounting #1: I’m so excited! My boyfriend gets back today after being gone for five weeks!
Accounting #2: So what you’re telling me is that you’re gonna be late tomorrow because you’re gonna be up all night having sex.
Accounting #1: No, he’s more of a one-hit wonder. We’ll be asleep by 10.

1001 G Street NW
Washington, DC

Posted on March 4, 2017
Coworkers, Gossip, Washington DC

My Mullet Is All Business in the Front.

Mike: What's Linkedin?
Ryan: It's Facebook for professional people.
Mike: Well, I should get on that, because I'm pretty fucking professional!

Wilmington, North Carolina

Posted on February 27, 2017
Coworkers, General Idiocy, Internet, North Carolina, Questions, Words

We're Not Alone in the Universe, Marsha

Employee #1 on audit day: Did you notice the unnaturally large head of the male accountant?
Employee #2: Oh my god, I noticed that last year during audit!

Menasha, Wisconsin

Posted on February 25, 2017
Body Parts, Coworkers, Physical Appearance, Questions, Wisconsin

At Least This Time It Didn't Involve an ER Visit

Coworker #1, in copier room: That copier needs some KY.
Coworker #2: (hysterical laughing)
Coworker #1: Oh, no! I meant WD-40. I always do that!

Richmond, Virginia

Posted on February 24, 2017
Coworkers, Sexuality, Technology, Virginia

Wake Us Up When This Conversation Is Over.

Cube rat #1: So tell me, Bob, you're a college basketball official. Which school in the Big 12 has the worst behaved students.?
Cube rat #2: Well, you would be surprised. It's Baylor.
Cube rat #1: Baylor is a Baptist college… You would think they would be better behaved. Cube rat #2: Well, they are just frustrated because they don't get any… (long pause) championships.

Greenville, Texas

Overheard by: Mike

Posted on February 23, 2017
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Education, Religion, Sexuality, Sports, Texas

An Egg-Laying Mammal Would Be Worth Catching

Co-Worker, trying to catch a mouse loose in the office: Bill*, he’s under your desk! Try to catch him!
Bill: Why? Is he going to lay an egg or something?

4613 Philips Highway
Jacksonville, Florida

Overheard by: Miss Kitty