Female office worker: My mother's having surgery to remove a tumor in her breast today, so count me out for the lunch meeting, I'm going to wait for a phone call on her condition.
Male office worker (uncomfortably): Uh, I hope she's ok. Have you heard from Chris today?
Female office worker: No, he's coming in, right?
Male office worker: As far as I know, hope he doesn't have breast cancer.
Law Firm
New York City, New York
Coworker #1: Hey, Shaniqua can you hand me that coffee?
Coworker #2 (very angry): My name is not Shaniqua–that's racist. Just because I'm black doesn't mean I have a name like that.
Coworker #1 (defensively): That isn't racism–it's a joke. Calling someone by a name that isn't theirs isn't racist. You shouldn't be so quick to call someone a racist.
Coworker #3 (after some consideration): I thought about what you said earlier and you're right. Besides, everyone is racist to some degree. Even myself. I find that I'm racist against fat people even though I don't mean to be.
Duluth, Georgia
Office lady #1: So it's actually a real word?
Office lady #2: Yes, look it up online in urban dictionary. It's a real word.
Office lady #1: But how is it even possible? Is it really like what it sounds?
Office lady #2: Yes, just as you do it in your tea, you do it the same way, that's why it's called “tea bagging.”
Manhattan, New York
British coworker on cell: You mean the gar-age? I know you people say “gar-age.” And also “al-um-min-I-um.” That's how we should be pronouncing it. The language of Shakespeare.
Washington, DC
Receptionist #1: Do you mind watching the phones? I have a conference call. It’ll probably last about 30 minutes.
Receptionist #2, confused: Who do you have to call?
Receptionist #1, very seriously: My cat psychic.
5th Avenue
New York City, New York
Coworker: The kung pao chicken had too much pao.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Girl #1, after male coworker receives huge bouquet of flowers: You know, I wonder if he’s doing something to egg her on.
Girl #2: Nah, some girls are like that, you know? It’s called stalking.
Girl #1: You know, I knew a girl like that once. She had a glass eye.
5718 Westheimer Road
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: the things i hear around here
Co-worker #1: I’m really hot.
Co-worker #2: I’m turning the heat down to 90. If anyone’s cold then they can go into [Jessica]’s office, but first you have to take off your clothes because it’s a sauna in there.
Co-worker #3: You shouldn’t tell people to take their clothes off before going into [Jessica]’s office.
57 Binney Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Coworker #1: I've got good news and bad news.
Coworker #2: Okay, it's Monday, throw it at me.
Coworker #1: The website is not going to be done until August.
Coworker #2: August?! Why?
Coworker #1: Yeah… I know.
Coworker #2: So was that the bad news?
West Coast
Canadia
Overheard by: Carla
Computer guy #1: I can’t see the hard drive on this network.
Computer guy #2: Well, the problem is that the disk isn’t mounted. First you have to mount Claire*.
Claire: Hey!
Computer guy #2: Claire is the name of the office hard drive.
701 South Mount Vernon Avenue
San Bernardino, California
Overheard by: Amused
