Coworkers

There Can Be No Obesity without Denial

Office girl #1: I don’t like lettuce.
Office girl #2: You don’t eat lettuce? Why’d you get a salad?
Office girl #1: Because I need to lose weight! I’m getting fat!
Office girl #2: What else is that in your salad?
Office girl #1: Chicken.
Office girl #2: Grilled or fried?
Office girl #1: Ummm… Fried…
Office girl #2: Uh-huh… Is that cheese I see in there?
Office girl #1: Yes!
Office girl #2: And are those Bacon Bits?
Office girl #1: Shut up! And no, it’s real bacon!
Office girl #2: And you aren’t gonna eat the lettuce?
Office girl #1: I will stab you with my fork! Go away!

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

You Just Said a Mouthful, Sister.

Coworker #1: Dammit, I wanted Tao chai.
Coworker #2: What's stopping you?
Coworker #1: I'm already tea-bagging.

W 26th St
New York City, New York

Perhaps Some Silver Bullets or a Stake

Distressed older coworker: I don't get it. I unplugged my computer last night and I'm still getting e-mails. I don't know what I have to do to stop them.

Pensacola, Florida

How Much Do You Want to Be It's About Cats Doing Something Amusing?

60-something female coworker to another: Mary, you have to read this e-mail. It's hilarious. I'll print it out and bring it over to you.

Jacksonville, Florida

We’re Going to Get Married in December, When it Has Some Time Off

Chain-Smoker, during heat wave: Smoking does keep you active and engaged with the heat.

750 Third Avenue
New York, New York

You Just Want to See My Ore-O-Face

Coworker, discussing mint Oreos: I stuffed four of them in this morning.
Boss: Can you stuff six?
Coworker: I don't know. Maybe not at once.

Baltimore, Maryland

Especially If He’s the Simon Who Helped Jesus Carry His Cross

Wishful thinking peon on phone: Yes, I can meet with this Simon guy. It’s not that Simon from American Idol, is it? Oh? That’s too bad… I guess I’ll still meet with him, though.

111 East Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Hear No Evil

I Would Pay Just to Watch That Infomercial

Coworker: Hey dude, that's how I'm going to make my money. Cat exercise equipment.

Marshfield, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Mikaela

She’s Not the Sharpest Tool in the Shed

Woman: She made it herself out of paper machete!

Massachusetts

Goering Was Especially Tasty

Man: We’re gonna make some bratwurst.
Woman #1: What’s the difference between sausage and bratwurst?
Woman #2: Well, bratwurst is German.
Woman #1: So they’re just German pigs?

Company picnic
Montclair, New Jersey

© 2026 OverheardinTheOffice.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist