Coworker in break room: She said it was in college and she was drunk. I don't care how drunk you are, you don't poop on a pillow.
Rocky Hill, Connecticut
Coworker in break room: She said it was in college and she was drunk. I don't care how drunk you are, you don't poop on a pillow.
Rocky Hill, Connecticut
Lackey #1: My buddy tells me he exercises his cock in the shower by doing curls with a wet towel.
Lackey #2: That’s ridiculous. Everyone knows the best way to do that is by flexing your chode muscle all day long.
100 Wall Street
New York, New York
Data geek #1: Do they massage the data before they give it the clients?
Data geek #2: Oh, we massage it like it's Kobe beef.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Female worker, returning from bathroom: I peeked in the crack a little to see if it was occupied, and I accidentally saw vagina.
Male worker: Accidental vagina is why I failed my freshman year of college.
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Receptionist: What’s that?
Worker: It’s the Phoenix Project logo.
Receptionist: Why’s there a bird on it?
Manager #1: You have got to be kidding?
Receptionist: What?
Manager #2: Bird, Phoenix? Hello?
Receptionist: I don’t get it.
Clerk: Okay, the bird…it’s a phoenix.
Receptionist: Phoenix is a city.
Clerk: …Phoenix is, also, a mythological bird.
Receptionist: Named after the city?
10 Miles South of Battle Mountain
Battle Mountain, Nevada
Guy a few cubicles down: No mom, I'm not looking at porn.
Los Angeles, California
Grunt #1: How much do you think a golf ball weighs?
Grunt #2: Over a pound, easy.
125 Corporate Office Center
Earth City, Missouri
Overheard by: Matt
Co-worker #1: Oh my god, girl scout cookies should so be illegal.
Co-worker #2: Yes…I have five boxes on my desk as we speak!
Co-worker #1: At least with crack you lose a lot of weight.
Wichita, Kansas
Lady coworker, after hanging up: So, have you ever been called a ‘piece of shit’ by your daughter?
West 26th Street
New York, New York
Coworker in kitchen #1: Have you always had the problem, or have you changed you routine lately?
Coworker in kitchen #2: No, but I am on my knees a lot.
Marblehead, Massachusetts
